Your stories...

I adopted my boys from foster care. Our oldest son was an older child adoption.We have no contact with his bfamily. ( I have talked to a freind of his bmom once but no directly with her.) Our youngest son was relingished my his bmom when he was just one day old. She didn't want to even see him after he was born. When he was 9 mo old she contacted our adoption specialist to see if I would be willing to contact her. Since it was a state adoption is was completley up to me to contact her or not. I choose to have an semi-open adoption. I email her updates about once a month with picture. Just recently she asked me to send picture to her house because she only could see his pictures on her camera's email. Because of some things going on with the people around her I don't feel comfortable sending anything from my house that could be traced. Instead I set up an account at Wal-mart with a fake name ( adopt mom) and she picks the pictures up in her hometown.She seems like a good mom to her 6 yr old, and I really do like her. But right now I don't feel comfortable having a more open adoption. When my son is old enough to understand adoption (I'm thinking 7 or 8 yrs old) and wants to meet her then we will.

Thank you for sharing! That's a great way to share photos - I'd never thought of that before, thanks!

I too adopted from foster care; but it was a kindred placement. By the time I was allowed to speak with BM, it was in mediation the day of TPR. She was not in a good place - legally speaking. So, in short, I made an offer (openness wise) and she accepted. She suggested things she wanted (like phone contact), but was not able to make changes to my original offer. I set up a website/domain. Each month I write up a summary of what went on. I post pictures evey couple of months. If she chooses to get updated, she does. For me, this enabled me to provide information, without prompting her to try and get more involved in our life. My fear early on was - if I contacted her, it would cause more contact - which could/would impede J's bonding with us. She emails me one month in advance to set up our quarterly visit. At which time, we typically exchange a few emails and chat. One of the main problems with BM was follow through/consistency (due in part of alcoholism and mental issues). IMO - We've reached a level of openness that is not enabling her behavior, but not keeping her child from her Of course, we're only a year in... I can tell you in another 10 if this worked out :)

My 4 were all adopted from foster care. I have 2 sets of bio brothers. Bio mom to 2 oldest started out with open adoption. But, after L called me "mom" while he was on the phone with her, she stepped back (in her words) although there was supposed to be another visit. Neither of the boys wants to see her. The bio mom to my 2 youngest gave up her rights before I got them. We started talking after getting in touch with paternal g'ma. I sent her pics, then found out she relapsed. Waiting to her from her-hoping she's ok.

I'm a grown up adoptee and now I'm looking forward to adopting a child. I grew up in a home with three other siblings that were adopted as well. My older brother and I were adopted through LDS services, my younger brother through the state, and my sister was a foriegn adoption. I'm the only one that knows my birthparents at all. I found both of them when I was 18 years old. I still keep in contact with them today. I wish growing up that I could have had an open relationship with my birthmom. It would have made things easier and anwered all those questions, that adoptees have. Both of my brothers feel very different though. I think open is important and now that my wife and I are trying to adopt, I can't wait to have an open relationship with our birth mother.

as a birthmother at the tender age of 15 years old when i gave my daughter up for adoption. I wish i had the option of an open or semi open adoption. i did not have the option in 1980..... oh how i only wish things were so different then