As a single parent, what is the maximum age YOU would feel comfortable with adopting a second child?
I'm such a major planner, but my "plan" is off by a few years. I was suppose to adopt my first at age 35-36 (I actually adopted DD when I was 38) and I wanted to adopt my second by age 38 (I'm now 40 - eek!)
There are so many circumstances right now where it is simply NOT the right time to start the process again (may need to relocate due to career, or I may decide to start a business in my current city). BUT, I really do want a second child... I'm thinking if I don't start the process in the next 365 days then I will need to be content with one child. :(
Thoughts?
Today, some families adopt when they are in their 50s, and it is totally normal for families to adopt in their 40s. I am a single Mom, and I adopted my daughter, who was 18.5 months old at the time, when I was 51. We are having a terrific time, and I know quite a few families like ours.
Now, saying that, domestic agency adoption doesn't usually work for parents over 45. The reason is that many birthmothers prefer to place with younger parents, and they usually have a "say" in choosing the characteristics of the prospective parents. Many birthmothers have parents and grandparents who bore children at a fairly young age, and, to many, it feels "odd" to select adoptive parents who are the age of their grandparents.
With domestic foster care, it is often hard to adopt a healthy newborn; you often need to be willing to adopt a child with a disability or a achool aged child. As a result, the domestic adoption option that makes the most sense is private adoption, in the states that allow it. You seek out a birthmother on your own, and then use an attorney and a social worker to handle things like the homestudy and finalization.
Private adoption can be very risky, with high potential for a fallthrough. As a result, parents over 45 tend to adopt internationally, not domestically. Some countries allow adoption up to age 55.
My feeling is that if you come from a long lived family, have some energy , and really want to have children, go ahead and adopt. Thirty-two is actually young; some countries, today, won't even let a person apply to adopt until he/she reaches 30. And American women are even having Biological children at 40 and beyond.
Sharon
I adopted the Queen when I was 44. My plan was to add another one to the family within a year or 2. However, DD isn't ready for a sib (per ECI) and financially I can't do it right now. So, I am guessing I will be in the 48-50 range when I adopt again. I turn 46 next week. Yikes!
Liana was born when I was 44, and came home when I was 45. I'm 48 now, and seriously considering a second child. Rather than an infant, I am looking into adopting a toddler, 1 or 2 years younger than Liana.
I LOVE being a mom. You know, so many of the parents of kids in Liana's preschool get babysitters and go out and do exciting adult things. I've DONE exciting adult things. I cannot think of anything I would rather do on a weekend than go to a zoo or a kids' museum. I haven't seen Avatar yet, (I'll see it some night after Liana has gone to sleep), but I LOVED Toystory. Ok. I miss SCUBA diving on vacations. But make-your-own-ice-cream-sundays are fun too. :) I used to shoot a mean game of pool. Last week on vacation, I learned to play miniature golf. Liana is a natural.
My back isn't great, and I can't carry her on my shoulders at parades. And maybe I don't "run" as much as I used to. But other than that, I can't think of anything a younger parent can do that I can't. I have more patience than I did when I was younger. I'm more financially secure. And I don't have the restlessness that I had well into my late 30's.
I'm glad I became a parent later in life than most. I have DONE so many things, that all I want to do now is focus on being a mom.
Quesita
Liana was born when I was 44, and came home when I was 45. I'm 48 now, and seriously considering a second child. Rather than an infant, I am looking into adopting a toddler, 1 or 2 years younger than Liana.
I LOVE being a mom. You know, so many of the parents of kids in Liana's preschool get babysitters and go out and do exciting adult things. I've DONE exciting adult things. I cannot think of anything I would rather do on a weekend than go to a zoo or a kids' museum. I haven't seen Avatar yet, (I'll see it some night after Liana has gone to sleep), but I LOVED Toystory. Ok. I miss SCUBA diving on vacations. But make-your-own-ice-cream-sundays are fun too. :) I used to shoot a mean game of pool. Last week on vacation, I learned to play miniature golf. Liana is a natural.
My back isn't great, and I can't carry her on my shoulders at parades. And maybe I don't "run" as much as I used to. But other than that, I can't think of anything a younger parent can do that I can't. I have more patience than I did when I was younger. I'm more financially secure. And I don't have the restlessness that I had well into my late 30's.
I'm glad I became a parent later in life than most. I have DONE so many things, that all I want to do now is focus on being a mom.
So touching, made me smile. I think this is a great testament to all of us as individuals....some of us needed to be parents later in life, others earlier.
I think I did so much in my 20s...(mainly because I graduated with my degree at 21 and finished my M.S. by 24) after school that I was just ready for parenthood once I was settled in my home....some people still need their 30s to be out and about before parenthood. Not one route is best, but that's why it's such a personal decision....what one could do another may not want to do :)
My kids and I have been discussing this and think that we'd like to foster or adopt kids about their age or at the least age four, so that they can participate in all our activities. The kids have a few more reasons, but I'm really hoping to be done with raising kids by the time I'm 45 so that I'll still have a prayer of getting the doctorate I really really want. After reading this thread, I feel like I'm doing things backwards. ;p
:laundry: I think you may sure you have the ability to adopt a child at first. And you are a very kind person.:flower:
RhondaBear
My kids and I have been discussing this and think that we'd like to foster or adopt kids about their age or at the least age four, so that they can participate in all our activities. The kids have a few more reasons, but I'm really hoping to be done with raising kids by the time I'm 45 so that I'll still have a prayer of getting the doctorate I really really want. After reading this thread, I feel like I'm doing things backwards. ;p
Not backwards at all...we all take different roads to get to our goals but you are never too old for education!!! Get that doctorate!!!!!:clap:
This thread has really helped me to "loosen up" for lack of a better term... I'll do my second adoption when the time is right, and not a second before. At this point I'm feeling a little flexible up to 45.
As one poster mentioned, I do have a LOT more patience than I had in my 20's and 30's. I've done all the adult things that I wanted to do. I do like to travel and DD and I have started doing a bit of that... I had severe anxiety about traveling alone with her. The idea of keeping track of her, luggage and dealing with various customer service personnel petrified me.
Just last night I was envisioning a little boy to add to our family :)
I'm currently considering this too. I'm 42, single, and have limited family backup. I'm doing straight Adopt from Foster Care.
Because I want my daughter to be through college before I retire, but still young enough to bound with me as Mom... I've requested a girl ages 4-12 with only mild problems.
But get this my agency is telling me I'm being to picky.
I've been attempting to adopt for :hissy: two yrs. (18 months to get approved and 6 months waiting :hissy: )
Needless to say I've had agency problems.
Why do I keep forgetting to come back to this forum? This is a great thread. I've been wondering exactly the same thing. I've considering adopting again when J is around 2 (he's 4 months now), or when he's 4. The age requirement that many agencies have of no more than 45 years difference b/t the amom and the child does give me pause, though, that I better not wait very long (I'm almost 42. Lord - that felt weird even typing that -- I don't feel a day over 30. Although I'm not sure what 42 is supposed to feel like!) I forgot about that age difference rule.
It's so hard to time it, though -- as we all know, it's not like you can decide, then have your baby the next day, the next week, or even the next month. It could be a year or more. You have to start the process early. But then again, sometimes situations come up so quickly -- you could start the process then be called the very next week. It's really tough to decide what to do.
Hi, I haven't been on this board for years, but sure loved all the info I learned. Since I was here, I have successfully adopted an AA girl at birth, she's now almost 20 months old and the love of my life. I am 48 and while I never thought I would have an only child, financially I just can't swing another one now. Also, we are having so much fun I can't imagine another person (of any age) in the mix. That being said, I still don't say 'never' cuz I learned long ago to never say never. :D I've also wondered if a school aged child may be in my future, but that will mean waiting another 4 yrs until R is in school.
I agree with everyone else, it all comes down to being a completely personal decision and there's no right or wrong way. I KNOW things happen when they are supposed to, not when we want them to.
Margaret
I've hoped to get the ball rolling in the next two-four years. That will put me at about 30 or 32 for number one. I am 7 years older than my brother and always thought that was a nice age gap. Young enough to play together but old enough to understand what's going on and help out a little. But I like even numbers, so we'll say six years, so 38ish. I don't think I could go into an infant adoption at older than say 44. There are too many ifs there for me, esp as a single. I know none of us know our future but I want to be able to give my kids as much of me as possible. I second what everyone else has said though, there are different circumstances for everyone. Whatever feels right and comfortable for you.
Lauren
Withay
I adopted my first child at 53 and my second at 54. Both were infants when they came to me at 50.
You go Withay!:clap:
Ugh! As you can see my 365 days were up about 3 mos. ago. I STILL haven't started the process for #2 and am STILL waffling on this issue... UGH!
I'm taking advantage of an awesome career opportunity (involves a relo) that puts me in great standing from a financial standpoint. BUT as we all know it's not all about money when it comes to children.
Jeezfreakinglouise... what the heck am I scared of?!?!
Just venting, thinking out loud... as the clock ticks.
My daughter came home from China when she was 18.5 months old and I was "only" 51. She is 16 now and I am 66. I'm still thrilled to be Becca's Mom!
Sharon