Can a 14 year old choose not to return to mom?

I think they are more likely to take the teens wishes into consideration, but that doesn't mean they will let them choose. For one thing, teens don't always know what's best for them. The state has a legal obligation to make sure the parents rights are taken into consideration, also. Our teen was 14 and she was absolutely forced to go back home. The state used threats if she ran away. Not a great situation.

I don't know about RU, but here it works the other way around. Any child over 12 has to consent to the adoption to finalize it. May depend on the jurisdiction.

In NY, 14 is the age where a teen can consent to being or not being adopted.

In MN, I think at age 14 they can have input in their own permanency.

I live in Alberta Canada. Here the age you do not have to return is 16. The age a parent has to house and feed to is 18. In New Brunswick, as here, one must sign a legal document to be adopted after age twelve. This works very well for pedaphiles marrying for the child- moms so need to start putting the child ahead of their own sex lives... hearing "you're mine now!" with a hand around your neck in the dark is a little disconcerting at 12 and 3 months. There is a juridiction where only first siezures, of less than 6 months, are returned home. Second siezure or lack of follow through on mandated parent changes result in adoption of the child. The thought is that the parent is the reason the child is suffering- if the parent is not serious about change the child deserves the chance for a better life... child over adult. As adults we make decisions every day which impact minor children, maybe lobbying for this option to be implemented across the board in all jurisdictions might save some lives!?! I personally know it would have been my choice as a child... as a birth mother it was my choice: rather than allow my family access to my child I relinquished. Child over adult.

Thank you for that post. If only the United States would adopt those same guidelines. I know my FD's have been removed from mom 5 times, there has been everything from Physical Abuse to Sexual Abuse more than once. They have serious abandonment issues since mom has left them with numerous 'friends' over and over again, all of them who have abused them in some way. The mom is currently working the plan to get them back AGAIN! It sickens me. I just hate the idea of these kids being put back into her home. I am speechless many days.

I ran away from home a few times as a teen (between 13-15 years old) and was brought back (once by a teacher, once by the police). I was told that legally I had to go back so they made me. Shortly after I turned 16 I ran away again (abuse and neglect issues with my bm). The police came to bring me home. I refused to go home. They tried to strongly encourage me to return home. I told them that their was nothing they could say to me to make me go back there. They stated that they couldn't force me to go back now that I was 16. I was put back in foster care (thank God, or who knows where'd I'd be today). So in my state (or county at least) you can refuse at 16 (in 1997 anyway).

I'm dealing with an 11 yo and 12 yo who are threatening to runaway the minute they're returned home. They are ADAMANT about not returning to mom. Thankfully the CW and the GAL are listening. I was told when they hit 12 years old they have a lot more say in it.

I know it's not quite the same, but when my parents separated and eventually divorced, my brother actually had a choice as to which parent he wanted to reside with. He was 12 or 13 at the time. He actually never got the chance to make the decision because he was never informed. My father's attorney is the one who told him about it and my father didn't want my brother to have to make that decision and so he lived with my mother. I know foster care is different, but I think at 12 or 13 a child can have the ability to choose where they want to live, and should have their opinion counted.

It's not the same as choosing which parent to live with in a standard divorce situation. In the case of my foster teen, she could not choose to live with her mom. She TRIED, DEMANDED it, ran away thinking that THEN they'd let her, made allegations against her father thinking that maybe that would help etc... She was not going to be able to live with her, no how no way. Her mother had plead guilty to trying to kill her own children and had continuing mental and emotional problems, as well as substance abuse issues, and being sexually inappropriate (slept with minors and supplied them with alcohol and drugs). It was NOT going to happen. So her choice was not a choice that was safe or appropriate for her. After living with us for 15 months her choice was to have us take guardianship of her. She enjoyed feeling safe and monitored, and she did not want to go back to her dad's. He worked long hours, and then came home and went to the bar or had friends over to drink. But the state didn't have enough to terminate his parental rights and he was unwilling to just let her go. So his rights prevailed. She threatened to run away, so the state threatened her with commitment if she did. So once again, the choice was not hers to make. The reason that the choice was not hers, from what I gathered, was because she was not in foster care due to allegations against her father - she was there because she ran away. That made 'her' the focus of the problem, and all the state's attention was directed on correcting her behaviors, not the environment. Which is ridiculous....but that's how it is. She ended up going home, and spending the next year in and out of a mental hospital. She asked to come back and we did have her in our home for another month. However the freedom from rules and boundaries that she'd had in that year made for a whole different kid when she came back. She was extremely sexually inappropriate, she raged (which she had never done before) and her cutting escalated to requiring medical treatment on more than one occassion. In the end she DEMANDED to be removed from our home and wanted to be put in another foster home. She ended up, ironically, going back home. Where she now runs and does as she pleases with little attention or supervision. But that's what she's lived with most of her life, and it's 'comfortable' to her. My point is - much like a 12 year old shouldn't be forced to choose a parent, a 14 or even 16 year old isn't always capable of knowing what is best for them. They may choose to go back home because that's where their friends are - regardless of the fact that those friends may be heading down a bad path. I do think that what kids want should be considered, but the responsibility of making the choice not to be with their family is often more than they can bare.

Oh, how I would love to see this put in place everywhere! My county is pretty strict with parents, especially of very young children, but still some kids end up bouncing in and out of foster care. It's just not fair to them!

I understand what you are saying, and I don't think every child has the ability or capacity to understand what is in their best interest. However, there are cases where a child may be returned to a parent after being in foster care, and that child may not agree with the decision because they fear for their own safety or well being because of past history. It is definitely something that should be reviewed on a case by case basis and on and individual basis for each child. Some children are able at 12 or 13 to understand such a decision and some 15 and 16 year olds cannot even begin to understand what is in their best interest.

Fosterpeepz you are so right. That is the problem to begin with, kids do not have supervision and are neglected thats how they get into care. The last thing they need to be doing is making a decision where they want to live and with whom. Kids DO make their decisions on "moving away from the friends" or the "neighborhood". They don't make the best decision because they are still kids.

Yeah this would be great. I think you would see more parents (at least the ones who do care), getting on the ball a lot faster.

I know this is an older thread I am bumping up, but since I am basically in this situation right now, I was wondering if anyone had some more thoughts on the matter. Also, if OP is still on the board, can you update what happened in your case?