Advertisements
Not looking for a diagnosis, probably is attachment issues (and that's OK), but my nine year old would sit on my lap every waking second if I would let him. I haven't finished reading Martha Welch's book just yet, but we've been doing "holding time" ever since he and his sister arrived. (for those of you who don't know this story, his sister went back to Calif. a month ago. because of behavioral issues) I try to set up some boundaries for myself - i.e. give mom a break, the lap is closed now, etc, and he is good about respecting those boundaries. We're working on getting started on the therapy end of things but in my little corner of the world we'll have to "make do" with "talk therapy" for awhile before we can get to the RAD therapy if that is what is needed. Does this "clinginess" get better, and/or is there anything else I should be doing to move this along? I would say he is probably emotionally age 4 or 5 around mom....he doesn't necessarily act that way with dad or anyone else. (seems to be OK at school with teachers, etc.) He's not a "whiny" kid....just very needy. We actually did holding with a bottle for a couple of times (he really liked it, and I'd say for both mom and son it was a really good emotional experience), but now he tells me he doesn't want the bottle (still wants mom to hold him every second!) - does he "need" the bottle longer?
Like
Share
Originally Posted By barkiAs long as he is ok with the boundaries you've mentioned it may resolve given time. We didn't adopt an "older child" but our son came to us at 27 months. He did/does show some signs of attachment issues, but since he's so young it's been easier to go back and "re-do" some of his bonding experiences. The thing that we dealt with for the first year was his reluctance to cuddle or snuggle much at all. Now he does that on his own initiative. :o) Also, he was very insecure and needed to know where I was ALL THE TIME. I think I whined on the board a few times about my total lack of privacy anywhere. If I closed the bathroom door he would have hysterics and beat on the door until he could get in. I didn't have the stamina to make him stay out! Anyway, that's been another issue that is (mostly) resolved. I was just thinking about it the other day when I had a whole 10 min in the bathroom totally and completely alone!I think the thing that I've noticed with the 3 children we've worked with who are in foster or adoptive placements is that with time many of the more troubling things that are problems in the beginning level out. Big BIG issues tend to get bigger -- but the insecurity and anxiety do settle out as long as there is a very stable (can't emphasize this enough) environment and a very predictable routine.
Advertisements