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Alaskana
I suppose it was to be expected that her behavior has gotten worse - way worse. The lying has escalated, as has the food stealing, and now we've added peeing to our list.
My issue is this: the only thing that really and truly seems to motivate her is food. She has a pretty extreme food fixation (she was 20 pounds overweight at 5, when we first got her), but I know that many "experts" say that we should continue to give her treats and sweets and not withhold any food. On top of that, all of her associations with her "old mom" are about food. While I know I need to find some bonding, I resist doing it over food. For some reason that sounds so unhealthy to me, and makes me feel like I'd be "buying" her love with food just like her old mom did.
Is there anyone who can help me with this? Am I just wrong?
I'm gonna go at this from a differnt approach than the previous posters.
Rather than think of it of buying her afftections with food I did it this way:
1. Her regular (3 a day ) meals are very healthy. Super.
2. Sweets & treats should ONLY come from you. Yes this makes you seem like a big meanie. I managed this by having the school call me and tell me when a treat was being given and I would come and be with her. Part of the premise is that breast milk is one of the sweetest milks on earth- part of the reason babies like it..it cause its yummy.:)
3. She only ate quality sweets- not junky candly. So for example I fed her M& Ms one at a time mantaining eye contact to get the M& M. I rocked her while she chewed a caramel (which mimicks the oral calming motion a baby makes while feeding from Mama). I fed her spoonfools of icecream and put whip cream on her nose- creating a playful atmosphere and creating a internal association that liked ME to Good feelings.
I never use food as a reward or punishment.
I never deny her food, I DELAY her food- Yes you can have the granola bar after dinner. Yes we can get frech fries on Sat. telling my dd no about fod sends her over the edge. She quickly flips to fear of hunger.
Can you use time in the kitchen teaching her to cook as abonding time? my dd has eaten sweets 4-5 times a week since she came home in small amounts that focus on bonding.
Did she also come on medicines? My dd was overweight too, but it was mostly the psycotropic meds causing it. I balanced the sweets by offering her lots of raw fresh veggies, and lots of out door play time. We also got rid of the TV.
For us using the sweets as a bonding tool has been beneficial.