My 7 y/o son is the same. We've read the Nancy Thomas book, and it's hard to stick to it when one child is the detached RAD and his 6 y/o sister is the clingy/charmer RAD. We take it one thing at a time. He is on his second round of pull-ups for soiling
#1 and
#2 on himself on purpose. He takes food at night when he should be sleeping, takes our cell phones and Ipods to play games on, even going through my purse to get them!
The food is a very hard one. I am guessing it has become habit for him. Makes sense if he is detached. He is using food and video games to ease his anxiety and fear at night instead of calling for mommy that he can't sleep like most kids would do.
We have found that nothing but time will fix the potty issues. Trust me I have cleaned up my share of urine in strange places!! But, when it happens, I just gently remind all my kids that poop and pee go only in the potty. If I can pinpoint who did it, they do the clean up. It has gotten better with time. I think shaming and punishing just makes it worse.
Someone said something to me about the stealing issue and not letting my son know that it bothers me. If your child is using it on themself because they want to get you all in a tizzy, and they know that pooping on themselves gets you all in a tizzy...then poop it is!
Count to ten, put on your poker face and assist them in the cleanup!