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Hi Everyone,
I am a single professional woman in my early forties just starting my search for adoption programs. I was told that because I am single (and old), a domestic adoption would be very difficult since the birth mothers generally prefer younger, two parent families. I get that...but ...ouch! I was told my best bet would be through a state program. I took a look at the site they suggested, and it seemed that they were basically telling me that I am only good enough to raise a mentally challenged teenager! There wasn't one healthy child on the site! Sorry, I know, I am being over sensitive right now. I have friends that have gone through a state program and the first couple adopted a seven year old boy. When he started beating the stuffing out of them, they finally found out that this poor child had been tortured as a toddler! They were not told this prior to the adoption. To their credit, they stuck it out and loved him and raised him to the best of their ability, and he resides in a half-way house now with a counselor and other troubled adults. The second couple did a foster-to-adopt type of state program and had two children they were in the process of adopting practically ripped from their arms to go back to the drug addicted parents who admitted they wanted the welfare money! Someone please tell me that this is not the norm for domestic adoptions!!!! I speak to a lady from the PA State program on Thursday and I have no idea what to ask her! I am also looking into international programs, but most are not kind to singles either it seems....
Any advice at this point is appreciated...I just wanna be a mom!!!! :hissy: -KM
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I'm really sorry you had that experience. I understand the feeling that people are telling you you're "not good enough." That's not true. I am single and in my mid-thirties, so a little younger than you, but not too much. I haven't been matched yet, but I've only been waiting since late April, I'm being shown to birthmoms, and my agency tells me there certainly are birthmoms who choose single parents. It may take a little longer, but I'm certainly hopeful of being matched soon. There are some agencies that are more single-friendly than others. Start by talking with some agencies and see who is helpful and friendly toward you. Ask folks here for suggestions. I'm not sure what state you are in, but you will need at least to do your homestudy in your state. Again, ask folks here for suggestions. You can use an agency anywhere for placement; PM me if you want and I can tell you about the agency I am working with, who have been absolutely fantastic. Keep your hopes up. I know several people who have adopted as singles and didn't think it would happen, but it does.
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millikid1
Hi Everyone,
I am a single professional woman in my early forties just starting my search for adoption programs. I was told that because I am single (and old), a domestic adoption would be very difficult since the birth mothers generally prefer younger, two parent families. I get that...but ...ouch! I was told my best bet would be through a state program. I took a look at the site they suggested, and it seemed that they were basically telling me that I am only good enough to raise a mentally challenged teenager! There wasn't one healthy child on the site! Sorry, I know, I am being over sensitive right now. I have friends that have gone through a state program and the first couple adopted a seven year old boy. When he started beating the stuffing out of them, they finally found out that this poor child had been tortured as a toddler! They were not told this prior to the adoption. To their credit, they stuck it out and loved him and raised him to the best of their ability, and he resides in a half-way house now with a counselor and other troubled adults. The second couple did a foster-to-adopt type of state program and had two children they were in the process of adopting practically ripped from their arms to go back to the drug addicted parents who admitted they wanted the welfare money! Someone please tell me that this is not the norm for domestic adoptions!!!! I speak to a lady from the PA State program on Thursday and I have no idea what to ask her! I am also looking into international programs, but most are not kind to singles either it seems....
Any advice at this point is appreciated...I just wanna be a mom!!!! :hissy: -KM
ruth74
I'm really sorry you had that experience. I understand the feeling that people are telling you you're "not good enough." That's not true. I am single and in my mid-thirties, so a little younger than you, but not too much. I haven't been matched yet, but I've only been waiting since late April, I'm being shown to birthmoms, and my agency tells me there certainly are birthmoms who choose single parents. It may take a little longer, but I'm certainly hopeful of being matched soon.
There are some agencies that are more single-friendly than others. Start by talking with some agencies and see who is helpful and friendly toward you. Ask folks here for suggestions. I'm not sure what state you are in, but you will need at least to do your homestudy in your state. Again, ask folks here for suggestions. You can use an agency anywhere for placement; PM me if you want and I can tell you about the agency I am working with, who have been absolutely fantastic.
Keep your hopes up. I know several people who have adopted as singles and didn't think it would happen, but it does.