Input from interracial couples

I'm in bed tired but I just wanted to drop a quick line. Are you asking what are my experiences dating outside of my race? As you know I LOVE my hubby and he's the best thing that ever happened to me so of course I think its great dating interracial :) There is however some issues though. I feel I have gotten the most vocal nastiness from AA men. They have yelled stuff at DH and tried to start a fight with him but that's only happened a few times. I also have had AA men tell us we make a beautiful couple too but that's kinda rare. I also feel CC people won't say anything (to my face) but you can feel it. You know more undercover hate. When I first started dating DH his old friends from home went out of their way to be nasty to me. They wouldnt talk to me. I would walk into a room at a party and they would all walk out. Even once we moved in togther they would send Xmas cards addressed to DH only and we have been together at that point for a few years. It was hard at first because DH couldn't see it. In his eyes these were his friends and they couldnt possibly be racist. I told him that just because you love me that doesnt mean that everyone else would. We actually had several fights over it and then one day he begged me to come to a party and I told him if I come I just really want you to watch. He said ok and after the party he said that he finally saw it and we never spoke to them again. I have also had AA friends (back in the day) who got on me for dating CC men. Saying how could I do that when I know what "they" did to my people. Needless to say I not friends with any of them either. I guess 11 yrs later although im very aware DH is CC I really forget that we are different races. He's just my hubby period. I dont see his color. He's just a hot man :) I dont know if im answering your question. It does take maybe just a tad more work but when its real its just all works out. Definitely gotta be on same page though. Thankfully DH is very aware if someone is undercover being racist to me.

While my husband and I are both CC, most of our friends are interracial. I think the tolerance for it will be just as random as who accepts your willingness to adopt trans-racially. Some people will be ok, some won't. My concern is more during the middle/high school years if my child asks out someone of the opposite race and the parents freak out. My daughter's godmother had to hide her relationship from 10th grade through their 2nd year of marriage. The guy she is married to is the kindest, most loving, educated man you will ever meet. I would DIE to have my daughter come home with a man like this (second of course to a man like her father :love: ) I'm not sure how her husband dealt with the pressure from such a young age of dealing with her family's feelings towards him but they are now accepting of both of them. I have heard parents of transracially adopted children to hear the following conversation. "Oh you are going to adopt a child of a different race? That is great!" "Would you have an issue if my child dated your son/daughter?" This is met with silence or "yes". If someone said they would have an issue dating my child I would say, "What you don't' think I can raise a decent man/woman?" Bah I'm sure my post is rambling but the whole issue with interracial dating really bugs me. As long as my child is treated with respect and love they can date a moose for all I care.

My husband and I expected there to be more of a reaction than we ever had. I tend to over-analyze things, so we talked about everything. When we first started dating, when his friends met me for the first time or my friends met him for the first time, some were obviously surprised. People tend to assume your partner will "look like you" and we are on opposite ends of the color spectrum! But other than an initial surprise, they were all very accepting. We did have a little problem from my family--more of a concern of how others might treat us--but when they realized that we were serious and had our eyes wide open, they could not have been more supportive. My husband tells me often that my mom likes him better than she does me, and I think he might be right! We live in a diverse town, but we are from (and surrounded by) very small Southern towns. Our families and church families (included the blue hairs!) have been very supportive of our marriage and now our wishes to adopt. We joke about the "nod." Like I said, we have a lot of diversity where we live. When we end up somewhere in public, we'll routinely get the head nod from other interracial couples. Once we were sitting in a restaurant, and this older woman kept staring. She'd smile at us when we caught her eye, but she kept staring. We were kind of laughing about it, thinking she probably didn't see a lot of couples like us often. About ten minutes later, her CC daughter came in with an AA man, and we realized that she was just trying to be friendly! Are there people in our community who don't like the fact that we're an interracial couple? I 'm sure there are. Are there folks who are pleasant to our face, but talk about their disapproval behind our backs? Probably. Do we have folks in our lives who support us and our relationship, but would have a problem with their child dating our child ("it's okay for someone else's child, but not MY child"), I'm sure there are. But no one has ever been hostile or disrespectful to us, and the ones we love and care about love and care about us right back. I now I kind of sound a little "rose-colored glasses" about all of this, but honestly we prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. . .and so far we've gotten much better than we expected. We fell in love and want to be a family, not a statement. However maybe we've been able to educate some folks and open some minds along the way.

Wow, I think you just describe the reactions we get with Firefly even though we are not an interracial couple I think its scary (in a good way) how the responses are similar.

My parents are Nigerian and Sierra Leone. I was 'privately fostered' by an elderly white woman in the UK from birth right through my entire childhood. My birth mother kept in touch with me and visited me sporadically. For years I dealt with issues of feeling alienated both from whites and fellow blacks. I've published a book about my transracial childhood, called 'Color Blind'. I've also published a couple of articles about growing up black in a white home and the identity issues this throws up: [url=http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/07/precious-williams-journey-home]Precious Williams: My long journey home | Life and style | The Guardian[/url] [url=http://www.communitycare.co.uk/Articles/2010/07/23/114976/growing-up-black-with-white-adoptee-parents.htm]Growing up black with white adoptee parents - 7/23/2010 - Community Care[/url] [url=http://www.preciouswilliams.com]PRECIOUSWILLIAMS.COM[/url]

As adults if my husband and I encounter racism we simply move on. We are not about "educating" or making a statement. If you don't like us oh well there are plenty of other people who do. However when it comes to our children we have a very different approach. DON'T MESS WITH MY KIDS! Sorry for yelling, but that is the way we approach the issue. I do feel that I have to go the extra mile so to speak for my children. They are never (and I mean even when playing out in the back yard) ever dressed "raggedy" or have their hair undone. Unfortunately my children are judged differently than "white" kids so I do my best to present them as if they have parents who are intelligent. When I go to the doctor's office with one of them I speak "doctorese". They don't have a bruise they have a contusion. If I don't then I get baby talk from the doctor like I won't be able to understand plain English. I fully expect my older daughter's to marry interracially someday. It is what has been modeled for them. I also expect them to adopt. They talk all the time about having bio kids and adopting too. Now if they do neither I'll be just as happy because they are great young adults and make wonderful choices. Who ever they choose to be their life partners I am sure I will love. Hmmm I think I rambled a bit. I am not feeling well today. I mixture of Ibuprofen and muscle relaxant doesn't help with concentration. Lisa

Quick background so it makes sense I am CC/AA My Fiance CC so that makes my kids CCCC/AA? hahaha! 1/4AA 3/4 CC to me they look Hispanic My AGrandmother was mixed. So I know she had difficulties just being mixed and my parents are an interracial couple and in the 70s i know things were rough for them to But my fiance and I haven't had a problem, I've never had remarks, never had looks, and honestly I'm so comfortable being so different I may not notice it, I have dealt with family members from several different past relationships, that were DEF not okay with it, One guys dad actually forbid him from seeing me, One bf lied to his dad and told him I was Hawaiian and anothers grandmother called me a very nasty racial slur now in the past when i have dated other CC men I did also have to deal with the harsh language from other AA men direct at my SO but I have also heard from my AUNTS! That they are still not happy with my parents marriage (30yrs) that they believe CC women are taking away good men from the AA women.. One actually sat me and my cousin down (who is AA) and told him "never bring home a white girl" he was mortified in my behalf! Not to mention at the time his gf was CC hahaha!! i guess because I'm in the South (Georgia) certain older generations just have different outlooks. But i LOVE my multiracial multicoutural family! and if we could somehow bring in more flavor by all means bring it! Also to add my sons half sister from his dad has beautiful red hair. His family was not happy at all, they even removed him from their Living Wills, until they met me, now they wish I was still around! His wife and I are dear friends and I treat their daughter like my own!! My beautiful red headed daughter!! lol below is a picture from Christmas 2008 (at work no recent family picture on here) but there we are our multi colored family! lol

You have a beautiful family!

:thanks: Thank you! We are teaching my4yr old (almost 5) that living in a "multi-colored" world is BEAUTIFUL!

Me & my husband are both white, our 1-year-old daughter is black & she has beautiful dark skin. I tell her every day that her skin & hair is beautiful. I looked at your profile & she has the same name as you!

saw ur siggy your daughters bday is 2 days after mine!!

Thanks to everyone who responded.. esp you supa... I was hoping you'd weigh in. Oh and babyrachel, you and your family are beautiful! Cute pic.

I was born outside of america and became a citizen after college - I'm mixed-race (Asian mom & Black/Latino dad) but the world looks at me and usually decides that I'm AA. I don't really care either way...I know who I am....lol. My hubby is str8 up Italian American. We live very near a large city but didn't always. I'm from a large city but DH and family are from a small suburban town (not super small but certainly not city) and not very diverse. After we were married I got rid of my city pad and moved in with DH....BAD IDEA! We were stared at a lot, and many of his suburban neighbors just didn't know how to be natural around me. Some were nasty, some were super-polite, but you can tell everyone had their guard up - none just wanted to be friends (you know...chill, hang out, movies, shopping), and unfortunately many of DH's family had a very hard time adjusting to this new addition of color to their family circle. It is amazing to me that something as simple as the pigment of my skin could cause this much drama. Many of my husband's friends were cool though because he worked in the city which I believe gave them a broader outlook on society...so we decided to move and got a home closer to the city. My friends and family however are city folk, and (in my mind) that makes us a bit more open minded. My family and friends don't treat DH any differently than they way they treat the husbands of other members of my family, none of whom are CC; but I truly believe it is because, being in the city, we are exposed to many more interracial couples so it's just not a big deal, and people tend to interact more with other races in city areas. Then there is my family which is already multi-raced, so they were like... been-there-done-that when it came to DH and I. :D I would say that the world is slowly changing, even in my husband's family, so your kids should be fine by the time they're of dating age.