Is this offensive?

What was the race of the co worker? I am the mom of two aa boys - I dont think I would find that comment offensive because I see the history of R and B being VERY positive and strong. A "True black child" would be brought up to appreciate that history and understand and appreciate the music. I dont expect them to like that music because they are black, but I do expose them to it so they can appreciate and honor the history of aa peoples. So - in some back handed way I see it as a compliment.

Jen- the guy who said it was caucasian. He knows my son and our history (and is my friend), so this is why I doubted myself in my initial reaction. I don't think he meant for it to be offensive. Something about what he said rubbed me the wrong way- but maybe I was being too sensitive. Thanks for you feedback.

I dont know if your being too sensitive but I can speak for my situation. I'm AA in a interracial marriage and my neighborhood got voted the whitest neighborhood in a local magazine. Also 99% of my friends are CC and I have one really close AA girlfriend and she's married to a CC man as well. There are times when my friends make comments and I dont take it personal at all because I know they dont mean it in a harmful way. I was at a pool and I said something about me not getting wet and my friend said you know black girls dont get their hair wet. I thought it was funny because it's true in a lot cases. My husband has teased me and said since we have been together for so long that I lost all of my rhythm and now I dance like a white girl. That kinda saying AA are better dancers. I think personally you know when someone is being shady and if he's your friend then maybe it was just a funny comment. Its something that I could have said u know? That comment wouldnt offend me but again like i said I didnt hear him say it so I have no idea what he meant by it.

Jen, Have you seen "The History of Gospel Music"? I used the DVD as part of a unit lesson on gospel music in my History of Christian Music course and I find it to be a great introduction that really helps connect the dots all the way from slavery to the music we hear today- with some quotes from and videos of some great artists. It's a tad academic so it would require an occasion or maybe multiple sittings, but it's the most comprehensive one I've seen and what you said just made me think of it. Fisk Jubilee Singers, Mahalia Jackson, et al. Let me know if you want to borrow it. :)

I totally appreciate the offer!!! Thank you ... however, I totally doubt the ability of my children to keep anything borrowed in working order or in one piece. THANK YOU for offerring though -- that sounds fantastic.

To me the comment is sort of offensive--not really racist but on the edge. I hear it as, "Of course he likes that kind of music--it's in his genes!" What if your son had said he liked Mozart or Pete Seeger? Would your co-worker have said, "Wow, that's so white of him!"?

I have to say I agree with Betelnut. So if your son plays sports is this also going to be another "black" thing? I also agree with Supa, it totally depends on who says it and how they say it. Daddy can say certain things and it's funny, but, if one of my co-workers says the same thing I hit the roof. You say the person who made the comment is a friend and knows your journey then maybe there was no malintent. I wouldn't let someone, even someone close to me, get too comfortable saying off-handed remarks because then they are treading on thin ice. Meaning, it could become offensive if they get too okay with what is being said and not corrected. You know your friend/co-worker so how do you feel it was said? Did you discuss it with him? Maybe he meant nothing but I would at least say something to him to clear up any future misunderstandings. Good luck.

I read this a couple days ago and I keep thinking about it so I think that means I need to respond even though I most often just read others’ posts. At first I thought it was definitely an insensitive/offensive statement that should not have been said. But then my husband said something that made me think differently. We have 2 CC bio children (boy & girl) and 1 adopted AA boy. My husband was commenting about how our daughter always loves to dress up, change her clothes throughout the day, accessorize and such, and how it must be a girl thing (it’s not something that she would get from watching me). That made me think about this thread because I just roll my eyes when someone attributes behavior to being a girl thing or when our boys run around like maniacs trying to shoot everything in sight when we don’t have any toy guns around here and we try to be careful in their media intake – but we are told it’s a boy thing. Those comments don’t bother me nearly as much as when someone says that something about my youngest is a black thing. So then I come back to the original poster’s question of am I just too sensitive when it comes to race-related comments – and for me, I think I am. I consciously have to try and put things in perspective and keep my initial reactions in check so that I don’t make too big a deal out of things. Keep in mind that my youngest is only two right now, but as he gets older and as our 3 and 5 year olds also start becoming more aware of differences in our family and comments like that I want to make sure that I address the issues that they have instead of reacting to an issue that isn’t really even there (goodness knows I can blow an issue way out of proportion into something never dreamed of by a child at those ages!). Thanks for the post. Rhonda

I guess it depends who it came from. If it came from one of my friends or a black person, I would not find it offensive. If it came from someone at work (a bunch of closet racists) I probably would cringe a bit. In my mind at least, R&B music IS black music. There is a lot of history to it. Do blacks have a genetic predisposition to enjoying it? Doubtful. I know I would be proud if my son preferred R&B. I would think it would say something about my parenting.

So, the same colleague who made that comment last week ("spoken like a true black boy") today told a joke at lunch that began "how do you scare a black person". I was speechless- in shock- so disappointed- SO angry. I raised my eyebrows at him...he realized his "slip" and didn't finish the joke. It seems that the benefit-of-the-doubt I gave him last week was unwarranted. He is racist. And I'm sad about this. And angry. And so offended. And he is a teacher, teaching in a school with mostly minority children. And he said this in front of me, a mom of a black child. Unbelievable. I guess I shouldn't be so shocked- sadly, I am. :( How would some of you replied to this?

Since he's a teacher in a almost all minority school I would report him. How do you scare black people?? Meeting jerks like you!

I would report him too. I do not think those type of jokes are appropriate anywhere much else the workplace. Also, with him being the teacher of mostly minority children I think it's even more inappropriate. He is out of line and someone needs to jerk a knot in his butt. Good luck.

Yikes. Definately tell him never to make another racist joke, comment or reference in your presence. I can't see that reporting him for this would make any difference, not would it make him not a racist.

I think this guy is totally inappropriate no matter what race you are and what the race of your children. I would probably report my concerns to the principal.

WOW. I would have been shocked into silence! I live Supa's answer: Black people would be scared by jerks like you. I would definitely say something to the principal. It's absolutely preposterous that he's a teacher to minority children, and he thinks telling a racist joke is okay. AND IN THE WORKPLACE. That right there is grounds for dismissal in MANY places.