Food issues and attachment??

I think food is a CORE safety issue for all kids, esp with RAD. Our situation is a bit different (because R was hungry for at least a year (but probably 2 years+) , but we have gotten through our food issues. 1.I kept the fridge and cabneits full. Sometimes I even leave stufff thats a few days past its best to give the illusion of fullness. I have filled tupper ware with rice before. She can look in there as often as she likes, and kept running lists of thing she felt we "need". 2. I took her to the store OFTEN. Weekly. She got one thing from her list. And got to choose a vegetable, a protien, a kind of cereal, and a kind of ice cream. 3. I carry water bottles, trail mix and snacks in the car for a quick bite. 4. I NEVER say NO to food. I always say "YES. You can have the candy- 2 pieces after dinner." or "YES. You can have the hot dogs, do you want them for dinner or in your lunch box tomorrow." or "Yes. You can have a snack- do you want to choose a fruit or a yogurt?" R still panics when she hears no to food. For exapmle, we were at the fall festival, and she wanted pie. A co-worker of mine told her no not with out asking, R couldnt SEE me right by her, so she flipped. Of course I walked her back to the table and cut her some pie, and reminded her other adults would want her to ask me first. I also have told all the adults in her life to say YES go tell your mom to give you hand with it. 5. R spent a few nights camped out by the fridge. Until your RAD trusts you...and we know that can take years, he wont trust you to FEED him. You are just another adult who he can't trust to be safe. 6. Spoon feed him like a BABY. Teach him that Mommys give thier children food. Do it often, even daily. The best orphangae in the world is not a replacement for a parent, which is why you are dealing with RAD. Also, and this may NOT be the case in your situation, some orphanges paint a prettier picture to parents than is realistic in the day to day of the orphanage. The same is true for foster kids, no one wants to admit the children in thier care aren't getting thier needs met.