I know his contact details, marital status etc, but he never knew I existed. If my research is correct, he is married with grown up children. Would it be fair to contact him?
It is quite probable that my own bfather doesn't know I exist and if I ever do find out who he is (sadly my bmother has died so I can't ask her), I do plan on contacting him. Of course, you will need to be discreet. I suspect if I find out who my bfather is and call him, I would probably say that I am doing a bit of family history, ask a few questions along those lines, and then ask him if he remembers meeting my bmother. If he isn't happy about it, I would at least say that I would like some medical history.
Someone I worked with had a friend who had a daughter call him out of the blue, he never knew she existed and he is thrilled so you never know until you try.
I say call him. He will be somewhat confused as to how it could have been hidden from him, but will be thrilled about the news.
If you don't contact him, how will he ever know you exist? Would it be fair to keep someone from their parent, if the parent wants contact with them? I realize that's a big "if," and that you risk rejection (which I had when contacting bfather), but you could be wrong no matter which assumption you make.
Rather than call I would say write a letter, give him time to absorb the information, and put the ball in his court. I think a phone call can really put someone on the spot, and you don't know what situation they're in, whether or not it's a good time to talk on the phone.
Good luck.
I agree. I'd write a letter, and be discreet in what you say in case someone else opens it for him. (family, an assistant etc...) Good luck!
Tanks for your responses, I'm pretty sure I will be in touch with him. I will probably go for the letter approach, I just hope it doesn't get opened by someone else first.
If anyone reading has wrote a similar letter I would appreciate some advice.