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If there was only one thing I wish I knew back then, it would be to trust myself and realize that my heart is not capable of making sound, logical decisions. I would run when my brain screamed run.
I would also like to have known that the information I received about a child is only as trustworthy as my gut feeling about the child's caseworker.
And I would like to have known that bells and whistles going off in my head were not paranoia and "normal jitters".
I would have let people close to me read the disclosure on potential children because, really, it's difficult to be objective about a child with stars in your eyes. Outsiders see so much more clearly and can tell you that you are truly insane. :-)
But most of all, I would have like to have known how truly amazing and fulfilling it was when my son picked me to be his mom and how the rough journey of the past was well worth it all just to meet him.