What do you wish you knew back then?

arkansas parent said it really.Nothing can prepare you for horrendous disclosures of abuse. My 15 year old telling me what had been done to her tore my heart out and ripped it up..but you can't close off. You have to keep listening and hugging and then they feel safer and make more discloures.. and you have to let your heart get ripped out and torn up again..adn then again..and more times. I am in counselling now myself because at nearly 25 she still finds the courage to tell me more, and I got 'secondary trauma'. I didn't deal at all.I wish someone had told me about secondary trauma in the first place, then I might have recognised the signs sooner than I actually didI wish I had been prepared for the total lack of understanding from most adults you come across - who give useless unwelcome aprenting advice, and blame your childrens problems on you!I wish i had known exactly how bad some of the kids experioences are - when I did the prep courses in 1995 adoption was presented as a fairy story where the kids and their new parents walk off into the sunset together with no problems. I knew some abused children and knew there would be problems and didn't totally believe the instructors but still.. i didn't realise the levels of abuse they suffer. I imagined some neglect and physical abuse and if someone said 'sexual abuse' i would think of touching only and I would have thought about school aged children. Not younger. The reality of abuse though is finding out that your girl when she was only three was raped by several people at the same time, then her own parents just laughed about it and called her 'a slut'.The reality is knowing that your child was being prostituted at 4 nearly every dayThe reality is knowing that to keep their baby siblings alive your child had to chew their siblings food for them, then spit into their mouths - because no one else would feed themAnd never be under the impression that these are sweet nervous kids who just need loving and bringing out of their shells..because that isn't the case. They are really angry, often aggressive, hurting kids who need therapy and therapeutic parenting, and dedication x infinityThere's more but that's the most imprtant bit i think...