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Adopting an older child is difficult....very difficult. We read everything about attachment/bonding, etc., and we were still not prepared.
As much as it sounds harsh, I'd never adopt beyond infancy again. I never, ever expected it to be this hard, and from what I've read, hers is mild compared to some others.
Are there successful older child adoptions? Yes. I think if our child had been an only child in our home, it might have been easier. Dealing with her attachment issues and such a demand on our time was hard on all of us....especially our other children.