Mixed emotions need advice plzzzzz

I think as long as he is a minor, you really should contact his parents if you want contact. I don't know what your relationship was/is like with his mom....but just be honest...you've found him, you missed him, you want to reach out to him and let him know about you, his siblings, etc. If you are not comfortable reaching out to his parents, then I would suggest waiting until he is 18. It's good that you have his info now so hopefully you will always be able to contact him. Good luck!

I was about to reply the exact same way, but loveajax beat me to it!

I have never had contact with his mom since, when I tried during his first few months she was very nasty and I though it would be best to wait, It could have caused more harm than good at the time, and who would have suffered for it? only the innocent child. I don't really wish to interfere or have contact but would like for him to know I am here, if he ever needs me. I think I might wait a few more years and hope I don't loose contact again making it hard to find him again. All she had given me was 1 picture of him I feel blessed to have seen him all grown up now, I just wish he knew who I was thanks again

elder, you know time has a way of "mellowing" a lot of people and situations. if you really want to know your son, there's no harm in reaching out in a nice way. maybe both your son and his parents will welcome contact....and if not, I would just take it to be a reflection of life of a 14 year old! But if you don't try, you won't know. Again, good luck!!

I was considering making a contact but now I am worried about legal repercussions, in Canada when you sign your rights away 14 years ago, am I allowed or my kids allowed to contact him, could I get in trouble? does anyone have experience in this, thanks again Elder

From what I understand, you need to be very careful with underage kids. Of course, as soon as someone turns 18, they are an adult, and it's not illegal to contact another adult, KWIM?

thanks everyone for all the replies and in the end I have decided to just make a social networking site fan page on him and add his only picture I have and cherish when he was a baby so if he ever looks up he will find it and decide for himself. would that be wrong in any way? maybe just add a poem and looking for..... what do you all think

I think he is an underage minor and your are violating his privacy and disrespecting HIM and his parenting-parents. At his age, and his maturity level you need to put his needs before your own. Contact his parents - let them know you are available should they desire contact or should he request it. And then wait until he is an adult. I can tell you (with 3 teenage boys ages 13, 14 and 15) that they would be HORRIFIED if one of their biological parents did that - embarrassed. Their friends look up their names on facebook all the time - kids that age often have multiple accounts. Respect that legally and emotionally he is still a child, and respect his privacy and his right to privacy. When he is an adult, if his parents don't allow contact now, you can contact him and give him the choice.

I am also Canadian. There are no legal repercussions for contacting his parents (within reason) to request contact, there are, however for contacting an underage minor against their wishes. ESPECIALLY if your contact could be viewed as manipulating him against his parents.

well i would have to say maybe contacting his parents and try to communicating to see if things have changed and maybe u guys can have an adult conversation. I am the mom of a teenager who has never met his father and would not be very happy if he contacted him directly without consulting me first. im sure the situation is a bit different however, that age is VERY impressional and we try very hard to teach them and parent them and hope they turn out ok. I would not want him to influence him when he has been in and out of jail and many many other things. bottom line is teenagers r difficult and we as parents dont want to expose them to anything or anyone who is possibly going to influence them in the wrong direction. now i am not saying that u r in anyway a bad influence, im just saying that as the mom of a teen who could b faced with my child being contacted by his bio father. good luck

I get the sense that you don't expect a positive or supportive response from the parents. As loveajax mentioned, many things mellow with time. At the same time, however, it wouldn't be very surprising for the reaction from either them or your birthson to be tinged with a bit of bitterness, as in, "where have you been all these years?" As to that, there is nothing really you can say to her or the boy except that you are sorry. You can't pull out the excuse that she spoke meanly to you a few times all those years ago. Or back-handedly blame the parents by saying you thought it would be better to leave them alone. You were absent and it may have had a hurtful effect on your birthson. Most people, if they have put up a wall, are more likely to lower it if their feelings of injury are affirmed by the other person taking responsibility rather than hearing him try to justify it. If it were me, I really wouldn't give two hoots about your regrets or desire to have a relationship with the wonderful son I've raised. I would care about your genuine wish, belated as it might be, to serve my son's best interest now by providing him some assurance that you at least thought of him over the years, believe in him, and are willing to be a more emotionally supportive birthfather going forward (if you've really thought through what that would mean and are willing to take that on). Supportive includes respect for his parents as his parents and who the child is now, including his family identity. You can't make up for 14 years of absence. But it should never be too late to try to make some positive change, even if it is limited to contacting the child's parents now and being turned away until later. If that happens, it happens, it's OK. It simply means that as parents in their best judgment they don't feel he--or he in the context of their family--is ready or able. That's their job, and they would be wrong not to do it. Things could change over time, too, as they get used to the idea and the boy matures. Regardless of what happens, I hope that you respect it for what it is and don't use it as a way to tar them later. That is, if you talk to your birthson later, it could be "I did contact your folks, and as hard as it was, we agreed at the time..." NOT "I did contact your folks and they wouldn't let me...." Frankly, the fan page idea would have me, as a parent, looking at the strongest possible legal action--criminal as well as civil--against you available to me. Parents search on their kids' names and nicknames, too, to check up on what they're doing. Doing something like that would definitely shut things down for a good long time. I can't imagine any of my kids liking it in any way, either. Don't do anything to work around the parents while he is a minor; it will only backfire.

I have the very same situation. My daughter is 32, and I have just found her.Not contacted her as of yet. What is the right thing to do is a tuff question. Maybe a letter or a call to the birth mother would be ok. In my case I can say I wish I had not lost so much time,john p

hiiiiiiiii i m kim from india.....