FASD-RAD dx

One of mine is probable FASD (we don't have written documentation from bio mom re: if she drank during pregnancy, so were told they won't consider FASD....) and for whom we did get a dx of RAD. Tough, tough, tough. Whatever you think you know, throw it out the window, go put on thumb screws, and try to function normally through the day. That should give you a taste of parenting a child with an emotional trauma and a brain trauma. Then, the next day, put thumb screws on your hands, and feet, too, and try to get through a normal day. That's how the CHILD feels. I found that once we got the sensory integration component understood (we had more than 'just' attachment and FASD) it helped. It was difficult to get through to the attachment because the FASD hampered comprehension and understanding - compounded by tactile defensiveness (the SI that we were trying to deal with). Our kiddo was young (2.5 yo) and so we were able to do a lot of attachment stuff like rocking and using a sippy cup, lots of one-on-one time and cuddling. This child is happy and attached now, but still struggles with some daily function stuff, likely due to FASD, and residual problems from neglect. (Neglect isn't an emotional OR physical abuse, it's totally and completely both, with roots that go deep and probably never go away.) It took us about 4 or 5 years to reach a place where life wasn't totally consumed by this child alone. Multiple daily tantrums that lasted a couple of hours each. Total line of sight supervision, 24/7. Day care would have been totally out of the question, and in fact is one reason this child was matched with our family. This child can now function in a room with peers, but that would not have been possible before about age 7 or so. Between his inability to tolerate touch (dysfunction of sensory integration issue), his OCD tendencies, his intolerance of any changes in the routine (ANY change brought about a meltdown - we're talking minutest change), and his need for total supervision would just have not worked in a traditional daycare/classroom setting.It looks like this little one is 3 yo? You will likely be in for many, many years of trying to parent a child who will try you to your breaking point. My kiddo needed almost total parental involvement for every waking moment (and some sleeping). I had one other child at the time and that child did get short changed. If you have more kids, consider long and hard what time you have available for this child. If you don't have other children, consider how much time you have to devote daily. Young children need constant attention; children with attachment issues require more than constant attention. FASD brings about complexities due to brain processing differences, so when you put them together it can become...interesting.