Need help in staying calm with aggression

Thanks for your advice-I will get the book. P is almost 9. After the car agression she lost a sleepover and a movie. One good thing-she had an outburst yesterday and after she calmed down and we talked about it she said "At least I didn't hit you." That was good. The counseling session I had on Thursday was good. SHe told me to try to just reflect her feelings-like you said-and not try to solve her problem because at that time P dosen't want the problem solved, she just wants to be mad. Thanks everyone! I've also been counting to 5 before I response so I'm just responding with a sentance not a yelling response.