So P has been having increasing bouts of aggression towards me and I have been unable to remain calm-instead I'm feeding into her ramping up..... Anyone have a good resource out there to help me maintain my cool?
I don't know about resources, but from the place of getting pinched, hit, kicked, scratched just about every day (I haven't gotten bitten since LG came back, so that's an improvement :) ) I do have some advice on not loosing your patience. LG is autistic, and likes the way pinches, scratches, and (used to like) bites. He also does these behaviors when angry--generally a lot harder at those times. He can also have PTSD like episodes where he bites and scratches to the point of taking whole chunks of flesh.
Sooo, I've had to learn patience in this arena :)
When its sensory, I either 1) respond back in light version because its the sensation he's after (ie, brush and tug his hair when he yanks mine or yanks his own, squeeze a pressure point when he pinches etc), 2) remind it hurts when he does that, or 3) ask him to try again and model tickle in place of a pinch.
When he's angry, basically, I've learned to wade in and just take the ouch (I know it can really, really hurt and I do have some permanent scars), but as long as hitting and yelling just aren't options I don't. They can NEVER be options. I also purposefully use monotone voice, but insist that whatever I wanted be done or whatever I wanted to stop stop. I have to become a blank wall that doesn't engage and doesn't react. I can't respond in kind or echo his mood. My response has to be purposefully low key....otherwise I give over control of the situation to him. By being low key, I don't give him a vehicle for escalation.
My nephew teases me uses my "not angry voice". He'll mock and say, "___, I'm very upset right now. You're hurting me, and I don't like it. I need you to stop pinching me." Thing is, it does work.