stupid snide comments... add yours :)

Oh I went off on her the best I could, keeping in mind my Pastor and his wife and many others would read it as well. I doubt she'll even notice that she's been blocked. Im just one more person in the family that she's ostracized and has cut her off. Im down to one sibling that I associate with out of four living step sibs. I live 10 hours away from them so it's easy for me to walk away from her! Sad, but easy.

"Did you have trouble getting an. . .American baby?" (Clearly the phrase she first wanted to use was "white baby.")I am getting better at handling it, but I am often made uncomfortable by people's assumption that being a Foster Parent means being a (waiting) Adoptive Parent, only because it's just not my story, not my experience. But more specifically, that comment made me want to point out to that lady that "Your Boston is showing."And clearly it's hardly as awful as what some people will go off and say (as seen in this thread!), but I also get kind of annoyed when people say, "I couldn't give them back . . ." I know they mean it admiringly, but that comment rubs me the wrong way--like they think I am heartless enough to "give them back." I get tired of explaining that the whole goal is (usually) to "give them back;" that it's possible to love something without having to own it; that we can love and care for them as if they are our own while still respecting that they belong to someone else. . .Even our own kiddos are only ours for a little while!

From my MIL - after two years of fostering a total of 6 kids and a year of parenting my soon to be (at the time) adopted kids - "one day when you are a mother you will understand what it feels like"...I did a double take and asked her what exactly I was, if not a mother, "Oh, I mean when you are a REAL mother, with a baby of your own". Ugh.

Babies are the only ones with REAL moms....

I'm with you on the real mom thing. People always say my son is my real child. My daughter is not fake! She's just as much my real child as my son. I love them the same. Clearly others don't see it that way though.

If anyone ever says that to me, I will completely go 'off my nut' at them! I have bio kids and this process was harder and longer for me. My best friend said something to me that I found really disturbing when we turned down our first match, "You know, next time you probably won't get a white one! He was a really good starter child." Um, does it matter what color child we get? Starter child?? With both of our matches, the first thing nearly everyone asked was, what race is the child? I reply,"human." Just asking that rubs me the wrong way.

From my dad after I told him we were doing foster care: "You need to focus on your REAL daughter; and someone elses children." :hissy: :mad: From my dad: "Quick turn on Super Nanny! The kids are adopted and you need to see what is going to be like!" ~Really. Because I thought it was going to roses and rainbows. :arrow:

I'm stealing the human answer, I told my friend I was going to start saying purple, she recommended neon clear but I'm loving human. 1st time MIL asked what color her 'eyes' were....they happen to be blue. with most recent call she made it through a 30 minute phone conversation before rushing out the question when I said I had to go...........ugh :arrow: I told her we didn't know ethnicity of the father and didn't ask since we don't care she said she knew that but "everyone" is asking.....:mad:

My friend had the funniest answer when people would tell her "Now you're going to get pregnant since you adopted." She would say "Probably not, since I don't have a uterus!" I still have a uterus but I'm thinking of using it anyways!

My entirely well meaning yet tactless sister felt the need to take my wife and I aside the weekend we introduced her to our 14 year old AD. I'm paraphrasing a little bit, but the conversation went something like this...

Sister: Do you know if she's sexually active?

Me: Huh??

Sister: She was in foster care, so she probably doesn't know any better than to have sex. She's on the pill, right?

Me: That's BARELY even MY business, I don't see exactly how you think it's yours? My favorites though are in any circumstance where we need to fill out paperwork that involves birthdates. We went to the emergency room last month when my daughter fell of the neighbor's trampoline and needed a few stitches. The battleaxe behind the counter got to the page where we put our birthdates on and immediately shot her face up to look at us. (If AD were our bio daughter, she would have been born when I was 17 and my wife was 13) "And she's your daughter?" the woman asks. My wife and I both nodded blankly, pretending not to understand what the issue is. This happens pretty often and it's always good for a laugh.

I get stuff like that allllll the time, since I would've been about 10-12 when my boys were born. For some reason that really trips people out, can't imagine why :p , lol. I also never tire of the 'real mom' business... ugh.

To be honest, I don't think I would fold arms or tap toes, although there are things that get my goat, and I feel huffy about them. In this case, though, I would've been feeling the utter sadness at knowing the child I loved had been seriously physically harmed, and trying to convey that to the other person. Just asking them to think about it, or feel what was underlying it all. If that makes any sense.

I had our kidos at a family dinner(thanskgiving I think) My Aunt(whom I dont talk to anymore) introduced my children " These are deborahs foster children,oh wait I mean her adopted children" Why could she not just say my children? At church one day someone asked which one is your real child? I dont know let see which ones run out of batteries. One day the pastor was talking and got off on how so many poor children would never know their reasl parents and what a shame it was that they had to grow up in adopted homes!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I left crying,next service I told him how wrong Ithought that was and how hurtful it was, my babies only know us as thier parents we are their REAL parents.we no longer go to that church. My best friend husband and mine were at a store (we both have 15 passenger vans with the families on them) a guy they were talking to asked so yall really have 10 children(my friend has 10 bio) bf hubby"yes but 6 of his dont count,they are adopted.My wife gave birth to all ours"

I was explaining to my dad that my foster daughter's grandparents have applied to have her placed with them. He asked, "What do you know about the grandparents?" I said, "They adopted the mother as part of a sibling set from foster care. I don't know anything about mom's history before they adopted her." His reply - "Oh - so they aren't even biologically related? Why do they have rights if they aren't her biological grandparents." Gee, Dad - what does that say about your relationship with my adopted son? Are you not really related?

From a family member, "Can't you get one a little less damaged?"