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If this question has already been asked and discussed, I apologize; I couldn't find anything about it. My husband and I are interested in adoption, and from the research we've done so far, it looks like our best option would probably be domestic infant adoption of an African-American child (we are both white). My concern with this is that, honestly, I am afraid of alienating our African-American friends. I don't want to wind up sacrificing friendships that are important to me over this issue (transracial adoption), especially since there are other options. Do any of you have any experience with this? I would love to hear about it.
No problem. I am all for the first mother's right to choose. My point is to clarify, not indicate non Blacks should not adopt Black children. When did you adopt? Oh for sure I can imagine with NO. I recently read a bit of the history. We recently visited some of the affected NO neighborhoods, Treme etc; Areas that were poor pre Katrina are sketchy to say the least. We were sad after leaving.. I can imagine the issue before, but after.. wow. Apparently some Blacks never went back, a decent amount went to Houston. Makes me wonder how many middle class Blacks were there to begin with.
Would that be the reason behind the low response from Blacks?
myForeverkids3
We as Blacks do adopt, the issue is lack of recruitment or outreach to Black communities. make note that there are tons of older Black children in the foster care system, and who are adopting/fostering those children? Next is this, if the biological parents who are placing these children reason is poverty, poor choices based on poverty etc; and even some forms of drug abuse, the parent can get help to keep her child or his/their child. There are options out there, not just who will take these children.
My thoughts are this:
Certainly there are black families that adopt. However, in my area, recruitment is not the issue, it's attitudes towards adoption. Our agency has gone into predominately black churches, advertised on radio stations that market to the black community, worked with pastors, put up billboards in strategic places...and with very little response.
When our baby boy was born, the state made exhastive efforts to find a black family first. After 2 days on the phone, they started searching through old records for families who used to be certified. That's how they found us. We were not pursuing another adoption but when called, how could we say no! BTW, there is a shortage of families here in the N.O. area period, not just AA families.
The way I see it, if a birth mother chooses adoption for her child (for whatever reason), that is her choice and I don't question it...regardless of her race.
Thank you for your input. I personally do want to hear from black people. I ask a complete stranger in Target which hair cream was better because she had a little boy with her who had hair just like my sons. She gladly gave her opinion and she was right...I love the stuff, smells much better than olive oil!
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nickchris,
You are right, in N.O. there is not a very large middle class in the black community. Our agency went outside the city (Northshore area, Baton Rouge etc where the population is mixed and affluent) They told me that even pre-Katrina they were having to send AA babies up north to be adopted. That made me really sad for the birth moms. Many of them want open adoptions. Kind of hard to do when your baby is in WISCONSIN!
Actually, hearing all of this from our agency is what changed my mind about adopting an AA child. I had always thought that it would be best for these AA newborns to go to an AA family. I never imagined that there was a shortage of families for a healthy newborn!!When I realized how hard it was for them to find homes for these babies, I changed my mind.
Our baby boy happened to be a safe haven baby and a complete surprise (left at the hospital) When they told us he was AA, I asked if they had looked for an AA family. They said yes, we tried, but with no luck. So, we happily said YES and we feeled honored to be his mom and dad.
I DO worry about him when he is older. I can't stand the fact that he may be called names, or be treated differently, or experience predjudice. It makes me mad just thinking about someone hurting my son's feelings. I swear I will knock them out!:D It has also opened my eyes to the world that black men live in. Where they are judged just on the color of their skin and not the content of their character. It has opened my eyes to my own misconceptions and sometimes ignorance of our nations history.
All I can say is that we will do the best we can and love him like crazy!
Thanks for the clarification, that's good to read, love it when agencies do such an out reach. As a Black couple we networked, (mid-Atlantic, central, west coast, south) and in the central states, west area. Central. You could tell which agency actually networked across the racial lines.
I see your DS is a new little one, best wishes!
myForeverkids3
nickchris,
You are right, in N.O. there is not a very large middle class in the black community. Our agency went outside the city (Northshore area, Baton Rouge etc where the population is mixed and affluent) They told me that even pre-Katrina they were having to send AA babies up north to be adopted. That made me really sad for the birth moms. Many of them want open adoptions. Kind of hard to do when your baby is in WISCONSIN!
Actually, hearing all of this from our agency is what changed my mind about adopting an AA child. I had always thought that it would be best for these AA newborns to go to an AA family. I never imagined that there was a shortage of families for a healthy newborn!!When I realized how hard it was for them to find homes for these babies, I changed my mind.
Our baby boy happened to be a safe haven baby and a complete surprise (left at the hospital) When they told us he was AA, I asked if they had looked for an AA family. They said yes, we tried, but with no luck. So, we happily said YES and we feeled honored to be his mom and dad.
I DO worry about him when he is older. I can't stand the fact that he may be called names, or be treated differently, or experience predjudice. It makes me mad just thinking about someone hurting my son's feelings. I swear I will knock them out!:D It has also opened my eyes to the world that black men live in. Where they are judged just on the color of their skin and not the content of their character. It has opened my eyes to my own misconceptions and sometimes ignorance of our nations history.
All I can say is that we will do the best we can and love him like crazy!
DH and I have been contacted by a cc emom that is expecting in Dec. Her baby is CC/AA. I was curious if some of the same issues have come up with family/friends with the child being cc/aa... DH is mexican and I'm CC. Our family and friends are of all cultures and races! Hispanic, AA, Jamacian, Pacific Islander, Asian, CC, you name it! We live in the SE US where racial lines are still drawn to a point, small town, etc. Anyone have any advice?
We are in a diverse family/community ourselves. DH is AA/Pacific Islander(chamorro and pinoy), I am Hispanic and my 2 bio kids are hisp/pacific islander (pinoy).
We are matched with a AA/puerto rican baby.
Our extended family is AA/White/hispanic/pacific islander~ the pacific islander is from two islands and hispanic from 4 countries.
I just read a book that Obama wrote 'Dreams from my Father' where he talks about race from his prespective.
I don't have advise but I can understand. We will just keep doing what we do with the new baby(ies).
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We brought our daughter home 4 1/2 years ago and we have never had any issues with our black friends or the black community. We are always well-received and everyone is very happy for us.
I think at the beginning I was a little self-conscious just because she looked so different than us. Plus, I had that same fear you have. Would the black community be offended? I think we get stares from time to time, but that doesn't bother me. And as I said, the black community has been nothing but happy for us.
[url=http://blackgirlwhitefamily.blogspot.com/]Finding your Inner Black Girl in a White Family[/url]
I have adopted and know other AA families that also adopted. I wonder, if it's the attitude, if the outreach is to lower-income AA's, whose main goal is getting through the day. Then the adoption agencies can say: we tried but they don't adopt? (Something that makes you go Hmmm).
myForeverkids3
We as Blacks do adopt, the issue is lack of recruitment or outreach to Black communities. make note that there are tons of older Black children in the foster care system, and who are adopting/fostering those children? Next is this, if the biological parents who are placing these children reason is poverty, poor choices based on poverty etc; and even some forms of drug abuse, the parent can get help to keep her child or his/their child. There are options out there, not just who will take these children.
My thoughts are this:
Certainly there are black families that adopt. However, in my area, recruitment is not the issue, it's attitudes towards adoption. Our agency has gone into predominately black churches, advertised on radio stations that market to the black community, worked with pastors, put up billboards in strategic places...and with very little response.
When our baby boy was born, the state made exhastive efforts to find a black family first. After 2 days on the phone, they started searching through old records for families who used to be certified. That's how they found us. We were not pursuing another adoption but when called, how could we say no! BTW, there is a shortage of families here in the N.O. area period, not just AA families.
The way I see it, if a birth mother chooses adoption for her child (for whatever reason), that is her choice and I don't question it...regardless of her race.
Thank you for your input. I personally do want to hear from black people. I ask a complete stranger in Target which hair cream was better because she had a little boy with her who had hair just like my sons. She gladly gave her opinion and she was right...I love the stuff, smells much better than olive oil!
I am African American and we have just begun our adoption process. Before we started, we did not know there were so many African American babies that needed adopting and that they needed African American families. We only found out through our county. I am not sure how the agencies advertise in my state but I can honestly say I have never seen any advertisement other than the need for foster care families. I was really shocked at the statistics that they showed us.
Regarding the original question of this post, I am open to anyone adopting any child regardless of race as long as they can see past their skin color and love that child unconditionally. During our home study, we were asked what race of child we preferred and we said we preferred an African American child but we were open to any race including Caucasian and our social worker seem to be offended by that. She even told us she preferred kids be adopted within their race. I really wanted to tell her about herself but I wanted the home study to be approved. I am grateful that I grew up looking past race. Thats my 2 cents.
For those of you have adopted an African American child, can you send me the agencies you worked with. We are currently researching placement agencies and have not found one we are comfortable with yet. Thanks in advance.
We've never had anything but acceptance from the Black community. Lots of support about our decision and always willing to help us with any cultural or hair questions.
[url=http://blackgirlwhitefamily.blogspot.com/]Finding your Inner Black Girl in a White Family[/url]
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We (white parents) adopted to African American children, at 8 and 11 months old. They are now 6 & 8yrs. old. We have not experienced any conflict with our Black friends. Most of these friends are new, since we had few before we adopted. I'd say 1 or 2 couples had this look like "hmmm, what are you doing with 2 balck babies??" Yet, we just stayed true to who we are, if they do not want to be apart of our lives, then so be it. Be yourself, know that you will be blessed and will bless. We are all for black adoptees being placed in black homes. There are not enough families out there for what to some, usually African American parents, would like to see these babies/children to be placed in. If they are your friends, they will stay your friends. You will have other hills to climb in transracial adoption. Read up on it and I strongly suggest, from firsthand experience to let your children experience all types of races, though especially, having other black families, children, cultural experiences be apart of their life. We do not live in a "color-blind" world. They need to be able to see others as they see them. There are some great books and sites out there for transracial adoption. This has been an amazing journey so far and we are so blessed. God Bless, K.
acire818
During our home study, we were asked what race of child we preferred and we said we preferred an African American child but we were open to any race including Caucasian and our social worker seem to be offended by that. She even told us she preferred kids be adopted within their race. I really wanted to tell her about herself but I wanted the home study to be approved. I am grateful that I grew up looking past race. Thats my 2 cents.
I know this is an old post but what your social worker said is completely against MEPA. You cannot be discriminated across ethnic/racial lines. This goes for foster/adoptive children and foster/adoptive parents.
Erin13
If this question has already been asked and discussed, I apologize; I couldn't find anything about it. My husband and I are interested in adoption, and from the research we've done so far, it looks like our best option would probably be domestic infant adoption of an African-American child (we are both white). My concern with this is that, honestly, I am afraid of alienating our African-American friends. I don't want to wind up sacrificing friendships that are important to me over this issue (transracial adoption), especially since there are other options. Do any of you have any experience with this? I would love to hear about it.
Check out [url]www.adoptionfamiliescircle.com[/url] and read the posts/questions under Transracial Adoption Group. It's a great site.
Every child needs a parent, be glad you have AA friends, they can help, if they are truly friends. There are not enough AA families to adopt AA children in the US. This is not a "Racial" comment. There are many studies to back it up. It can work, it has worked for us (both white, 2 adopted black children). Though it is a process that continues to evolve. If anyone (friends/family) has a problem with it, then they are not apart of our lives. We really have not come across it much. We are so fortunate to have been blessed with our children.
Though, on a side note, read up about it, (lots of info. on many internet sites/google "Transracial adoption" it is important to know there are certain aspects of raising black children in a white privilege society and you need to be aware of how and what you can do to be there for your kids/family. It is not "all you need is love, only"! Katie
Thank you for posting this- I'm nowhere near being ready to adopt or be a foster mom, but I have always wondered "What happens if my child is not the same race as me?" The one thing I know for sure about adopting an AA child is hair- part of parenting an AA child is taking good care of their hair. I think taking pride in their hair instead of viewing it as a hassle is pretty important, too.
As for cultural issues? I'm stumped. No, I don't think having long, drawn-out discussions filled with tears is the best thing to do. I would probably center discussions more around respecting differences and try to avoid being "color blind." But I'm not an AA person, and I don't know. I would definitely take the guidance of AA adults and try to make sure the child has AA friends, so they feel they can connect... Should a CC parent of a AA child try to get involved in black culture? Or is that disrespectful to the culture?
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Should a CC parent of a AA child try to get involved in black culture? Or is that disrespectful to the culture?[/QUOTE]
IMO it is important for parents of AA or any children of color to make sure that they expose their child to as much of their culture as possible. Take AA boys to a barber that is experienced with ethnic hair--learn how to take care of the girls hair or find someone who can. Learn how to keep it healthy so it doesn't break off and fall out.
Take them to cultural events--step shows, Chinese new year celebrations, Native American pow-wows etc. Buy them books and movies with characters that look like them. Make sure the only images they see of people that look like them are not some of the negative images seen in the media.
Be respectful and inclusive towards all cultures and teach them to respect the fact that while we are all different we are all the same and we are all unique and beautiful in our own way.
princesslips
Should a CC parent of a AA child try to get involved in black culture? Or is that disrespectful to the culture?
You mean, US history? Absolutely! Of course!
I find it kind of funny (not hilarious but I do sometimes chuckle) when CC ask about getting their adopted AA children exposed to the culture. What culture? We're American all the same. Anyone that says different doesn't know any better. IF the child's family was actually from Africa, now thats a different story. But my family celebrates all holidays and everything just the same as a CC family.
Hair is something that you should absolutely take pride in. Our hair is very different. You can chemically alter it or let it grow loud and proud.