Started search May '11-scared & excited-any advise?

Hey PADJ! I am responding to your reply on the thread, "I just realized" since it really has nothing to do with her original comment about looking like someone. I love advise and phrases PADJ...can I use them? I need to have another "sit down" with my AParents and tell them - they are my parents, I love them, and that will never change. I only have one child, but it seems like it could be compared to having more than one - that they are not being replaced - there is simply more love. Thank you! I spoke with my case worker yesterday, and it was good. I asked her to recap her conversation with my BMom again, and she actually told me a few more things I did not learn last week....one was that my BMom wants to meet me eventually, but she also added, "Maybe not all of the family, though" (she may mean my 1/2 Brother who has not known - not sure). A good thing she said is that I was very loved - by her and my BFather. That was important because down the road, I would like to search for him, and if he loved me when I was born, he may be more open when I reach out. At least he was "in the picture". Also, I found out my BMom's Brother and Sister knew about me. LSS did not give my BMom my contact info when they sent the letter. My case worker said BMom did not ask for it, and that could have been "too much". I am glad I asked about that yesterday, becuse every time the phone rang all week, I wondered if it was her. Now I know she does not have my number (only knows my first name and State where I live). Onward! How are things going on your end???

Another update... Tomorrow will be three weeks since my case worker spoke with my BMom. The letter was sent, and she has not been back in touch with cw (she does not have my info). I asked that cw try to make contact to see how she is doing and if she needed to talk with someone. She tried calling her last week, but noone answered and my cw does not like to leave messages. She is going to try again this week. The roller coaster has begun, in a big way....Kris

Hello, Just another update - this one not as positive. My BMom and Case Worker spoke yesterday - a month after the first phone conversation. My BMom is having a very difficult time adn has not told anyone about me contacting her. Evidenlty she was one of the girls who were "sent away" (Thanks Mike again for telling me about the book before I even learned about her story). The experience was incredibly traumatic for her and she said, "the contact has brought back bad memories that I tried to block out". She willl not discuss anything about my BFather. She said she simple could not and "has to close the door on that". She said that she was glad I was born and loves me dearly. That it is a bleesing that I reached out to her and she has "beautiful feelings towards me". Her difficulty is not with me, but rather with "her own situation" (I wish I knew what that is). She is trying to write a letter, but my case worker said it is very difficult for her, with all of her emotions and there is no way to say when/if it will be sent. She said she is not going to "shut me out". I truly hope that is the case. Back to the waiting again... Kris

Kris - it is positive and at the same time incredibly sad. All you can do is wait and that is the hardest part of all. Did the SW offer any counselors to her or even recommend she talk to someone? Kind regards,Dickons

I actually asked SW to offer her avenues where she can speak with someone or get in touch with other BMothers, before the last contact. I was concerned for her, because a month had gone by without any word, and I just had a feeling that she was having a really hard time. Unfortunately, she "was not receptive to any resources", my SW said. I am sorry she feels like she needs to go through this alone, and it just breaks my heart that the birth of me - and now my contact - is so incredibly painful for her...

Update: A week after my last conversation with CW, she received a letter from BMom asking her not to call her anymore...which meant to both of us that she was not going to go any further. That was a tuff one - I really thought everything was over, and ended up becoming really angry - which I never saw coming. I was angry because I could not understand how a Mother could turn away from a child she said she loved - not once, but twice. I put all of my paperwork in my folder and pushed it underneath my bed. I tried to not think about the search because it brought pain. I even stopped visiting this site, because I could not read about happy stories - or even the not so happy ones - just wanted to forget everything about it. So...yesterday, I received a call from CW - who called BMom, despite her request to not call. CW said she and BMom had a "very, very long conversation". She said that BMom is not sure that she can "go back there" and "do this" - meaning writing a letter and continuing contact, but that she wants to (?????). She said she has started several letters, and they are all by her bed, but cannot finish them to send. The one super huge thing to me is that she gave CW family medical history, and I appreciate the information very much. So, this has gone from big high to her not doing as well, to not wanting any more communication, and now back to unknown. Everyone says what a great rollercoaster reunion is, and I will back that up 110%. If anyone is beginning their search or reunion, know it can be very hard emotionally and try not to have expectations. I really thought I was fine no matter what, but after the first phone call and such wonderful news, I let myself believe the fairy tale reunion would follow. Unfortunately, we all know that fairy tails so rarely come true, and I learned that "the past" could very possibly ruin any reunion - whether just a conversation on the phone or a meeting in person. It's back to "wait and see" (and try not to anticipate anything).

Hold on, as it is a CRAZY ride. Many times in the 7 months of my reunion I've thought it was done and then it's not and then it is and then it's not...and on and on... I'm so not a person that lives with any drama in her life, so to be on this rollercoaster has been physically and emotionally draining. But, in the end, I'd do it all over in a heartbeat. I'm currently in the "it's over" phase and am patiently waiting for peoples' hearts to change. All I can do is take care of myself. Please take care of yourself also.

No more news or updates - just still waiting for a letter or any news from CW. Nothing more may come, and I really am "okay" with that...the only thing that bothers me is that my Birth Mom did not name my Birth Father in my file, and she will not talk about him at all - much less give a name. She holds the cards to any possibility of contacting him, unless he would be on a registry. Kris

Don't give up on the registry idea! My birthfather located me via a registry that I had entered myself on over 12 years previously... I'm sorry your birthmother isn't up for more contact. Mine isn't either. It sucks. No two ways about it. Hang in there.

Thank you...that's my plan. I am going to register on as many sites as I can. Anyone have recommendations for websites? The only ones I know of are this one and GSA adoption registration. I sent a Holiday card, with pictures, to my CW and asked her to send to BMom. Can't hurt.

I sent a Holiday Card, with pictures, to CW to send to BMom. I was hoping that if she saw me and my daughter, it would help give her peach and it might light a fire to write her letter. Unfortunately, CW called first to ask if okay to send, and BMom's long-time husband (she married him 1 year after surrendering me) asked who it was. When she said, he hung up on her. Pretty clear signal...I will go no further - will wait, and hopefull her heart will change in the future. This chapter is closed...for now. Kris

...and now today my CW called and said she got a note from BM saying she would like my card sent to her AND she wants my contact information. I am not going to get my hopes up, although it is the best news I have had in a loooonnnnggg time.

So happy for you. It's only 8:28am and your news has already made my day. Peace and blessings to you! ((HUGS)) :cheer:

Hopefully she'll come around...it sounds like it might be happening.

Thank you, moonbeam - really appreciate the support! I am doing everything I can to not get excited or think about it too much. My CW said, even though it could be a good sign...BMom might just keep the card and info for awhile (a week, month, year(s)). There really is not telling when/if she will be ready for any contact - and I need to be prepared, with patience. In the meantime, I re-read "The Girls Who Went Away". It really helped me to stop focusing on myself and remind myself what a horrifying time in her life it was (CW previously told me BMom shared that she was "sent away" and when giving birth she was all alone, scared, and cried the whole time). I have really tried to work on keeping an open heart to any and all outcomes, but we all know that is hard, when you are the one searching. Time will tell what is meant to be.