Advertisements
Advertisements
I was adopted privately but the adoption did not work out. The adoptive"mother" was a drunk, schizophrenic, control freak who wanted a baby doll to dress up and show off then a maid to clean up her house and her drunken messes. The adoptive father wanted a family - and someone to take care of the mother - and him when the drunk was too gone to do the chores. I tried to make the best of it until it finally got too much and I left town. These people stalk me - changing my contact info to theirs on my Adoption searches, contacting the police to intervene with me in my new town, just being manipulitive and controlling like always. I am 53 and want OUT of it all. Is it possible to unadopt yourself and even maybe take a new name (even Social Security #) so they wouldn't be able to harass me. They even asked a friend who works for the Sherriff Office in my Hometown where I was (AND asked her if they could charge the friend who moved with me with kidnapping - when I moved 6 yrs ago! I was 47 yrs old!!!). Thanks for listening and for any help. MJM/PJP
disolveme
I also want to unadopt myself. My birth mother would like to readopt me, even though I'm getting close to 50. I also was privately adopted and abused.
It won't be difficult at all for your birth mom to adopt you as an adult. Adult adoptions don't involve any termination of parental rights on the part of the aparents.
Back in the mid-1990's, I came within a few days of the court date in which I was going to adopt my adult son. His aparents had taken out a three-year restraining order on him, and by the end of the three years, he wanted to cut them out of his life. He also wanted to take back the name I had given him at birth. His mom called me a few days before the court date to ask me how DS was doing. I was honest with her and told her that if she didn't want to lose him forever, she had to contact him immediately. She could tell from the tone in my voice that I was super serious about it...so she took me up on my advice and reconciled with my son. I ended up telling my son that he should give his aparents another chance and that we should hold off on the re-adoption.
Some days I regret that decision...
Advertisements
RavenSong
It won't be difficult at all for your birth mom to adopt you as an adult. Adult adoptions don't involve any termination of parental rights on the part of the aparents.
............
Some days I regret that decision...
You were very generous to your son and his amother. It's sad when the aparents make such huge mistakes.
I mostly want the termination of adoption. As for the name change..well I'm married and so plan to use a double barrel last name. Hers and his combined.
I'm close to 50 and just now reconnected with my bio-siblings. I too grew up in an abusive home, you name it, it happened. My mother told my adopted brother and I that adopting us was the biggest mistake she ever made, and when she chose us she chose a couple of lemons. My question is, what do I tell my bio-family when they ask me about my life? How honest should I be? I'm scared it will ruin what we have started. I've also emotionally divorced myself from my adoptive family and would love to change my name, just because I don't want to be associated in any way with the family that raised me.
I'm close to 50 and just now reconnected with my bio-siblings. I too grew up in an abusive home, you name it, it happened. My mother told my adopted brother and I that adopting us was the biggest mistake she ever made, and when she chose us she chose a couple of lemons. My question is, what do I tell my bio-family when they ask me about my life? How honest should I be? I'm scared it will ruin what we have started. I've also emotionally divorced myself from my adoptive family and would love to change my name, just because I don't want to be associated in any way with the family that raised me.
Didn't want you to think you were being ignored. I saw you posted this somewhere else and responded there.
Go at your own pace and trust your instincts.
[url=http://www.ehow.com/how_7929259_nullify-adoption-adult.html]How to Nullify an Adoption for an Adult | eHow.com[/url] is site I found when searched how to unadopt self. Good luck all. PJ
Advertisements
Raven - you sound like a "true" mother - your son is very lucky. Hope you still have contact with him even though he "went back" to his adoptive parents. He needs you in his life - and is very lucky! Take care - PJ
One, I am so sorry you didn't get the life we were promised when we were adopted either. I would say just be honest with your birthfamily but add that it made you the strong person you definately am. Thank you - all of the repliers to my post - for sharing advice and comfort. It truly helped to know people DO care. Love, PJ
My adoption was private as well. My A-mother is a crazy sociopath who made my life and my brother's life (he was also adopted) a living hell. I truly sympathize with you. I have just recently cut her out of my life after many attempts and many years. I am 45. I would also like to undo my adoption for my own reasons. I am going to contact an attorney to see if I can legally undo my adoption. I am new to this sight but will post any info I get.
This is a really interesting topic of conversation. I've been reunited for 22 years (since I was 19). I never even knew re-adoption was an option.
I also had a rough adoptive family life, abusive adopted brothers and adoptive parents in denial. I finally cut my brothers out of my life at 41 years old. It feels good to have control over this.
Peace,
A-I
:flower:
Advertisements
I'm close to 50 and just now reconnected with my bio-siblings. I too grew up in an abusive home, you name it, it happened. My mother told my adopted brother and I that adopting us was the biggest mistake she ever made, and when she chose us she chose a couple of lemons. My question is, what do I tell my bio-family when they ask me about my life? How honest should I be? I'm scared it will ruin what we have started. I've also emotionally divorced myself from my adoptive family and would love to change my name, just because I don't want to be associated in any way with the family that raised me.
1) Why tell the birth "parents" all that? Tell them about your adult life instead.
2) You've had *your* name for 50 years. Your name now reflects you, not your adoptive family. Own it.
You can distance yourself by emotion.
3) That's a hateful thing for your parents to say. I hope they get over their bitterness and regret over their own life decisions (not pertaining to you), get counseling, and realize how *#*@ saying that is.
Tell your first parents what you feel comfortable with. Secrets are never good in any relationship. How do you avoid any questions of your childhood without lying? Changing the topic won't work for long. They will have compassion and support you. You deserve that.
You have a choice about your name. You can change it any time you want. Who cares how long you've had it. Own it?? Don't know what that means. Do what YOU want!
ReOcB42008
Just found out online that there IS a legal way to unadopt yourself. It is called vacation (Lol!) or nullifying the adoption and IS legal - with a good reason (stalking behavior is a good cause as is former abuse/controlling behavior by "parents" now. YAY! Can FINALLY have the "better life" my birthmom was promised for me! If anyone else needs the site - please feel free to pm me. TY! Mary Joanne Marvin (birth - true - name)
Hey I need to know about unadopting myself if you can help me out?
I am 46. My amom tells me she does not support me livin with a man and not married. My adad is no better. It is control mechanism. They make it easy to cut contact. It is unnatural behavior. The legal separation should be in process. Aparents inhibit control and denia. It is serious and unforgivable
Advertisements
A name change back to the original b-name is relatively new within adoption circles.
At one point, regardless of how the adoption occurred, the name you were given at that time, was lifelong.
When we moved away from a small town, I stopped sharing my adoption story and became an equal. No one gave adoption a thot. I became just an individual with a given name. It happened to come from an adoption decree, but no one thot to ask.
After having lived with that name all my life, personally, I could find no reason to change. My name and my personal status were different.
I would be no different as an individual because my name was changed. The pathway I came up wouldn't change, and I accomplished the same results by calling my a-family together and indicating my status as a slave and an "outsider" had ended. I could have the freedom to be an individual without being tied to my a-family by removing them. And in later years, I did ask for a "divorce" from my siblings.
Now the thots of changing personal documentation e.g. drivers license, birth certificates, credit rating status, financial obligations, and the day to day operation of my life, becomes overwhelming. The Fed. Govt. has become more and more interested in the identification of it's citizens. Regardless of the name changes, whats important is that all paper work used to report identification to various state and federal agencies, e.g. postal service for passports, etc., match.
What worked for me, was the separation of my name and a-family. I got rid of the a-family, and kept the name I had.
I wish you the best.
Hi what website can i find this info
Found the site. Found the Uk equivelant and have contacted them.
Fingers crossed.
Also phoned birth mother, she is scared of adoptive mothers reaction (they are cousins). She thinks I may be in danger..ie amother is violent and abusive....but birth mother wants to readopt me.