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I adopted both of my sons at just under 2 years of age (Big Boy was 23 months - Baby Boy was 21 months). I don't regret it at all. From day one they were my sons. They knew me, they talked to me, they played, they connected in a way that an infant doesn't. At that age they are still very infant like anyway. Mine were still in diapers and strangely one was still doing bottles. They woke in the night - even now baby boy does that - they cuddle in a different way than an infant does - you hold the infant, but the toddler lets you hold them and they hold you back. I would go for the two year old. I'm actually trying to do it again as it is such a magic age and time. As for missing out on an infant, I was never the infant mother type. I did not have infertility, nor did hubby, we just chose adoption because we wanted to be parents and there were kids out there looking for some. It made sense to us. A girl of two... what joy. Do your pro and con list and ask yourself the tough questions, but I suspect you know what the answers are. We always do, we just have to listen to them. Wishing you great joy in your journey.
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When we went for our foster interview with our licensing worker, I was honest that we were open to a toddler but we hoped to experience "the baby thing" at least once. Our first placement was a foster adopt 2.5 year old boy with RAD. Thank God we were too stupid to know we could say no because he is now a securely attached, perfectly adorable 7.5 year old boy... who had a new sibling born a few months before our adoption. That newborn was placed with us and it was FAR from a sure thing as there were different biodads involved, but in the end we adopted him, too... the newborn we secretly never really thought we'd have. Since then, we have had the joy of fostering several newborns and we have lovingly done MORE than our share of "the baby thing". :D I say this only because you can STILL do the baby thing and wait for an infant while you parent an older child. There is no reason you can't have BOTH. For our 2.5 year old, I felt a LOT of pain in the beginning that we didn't know him from birth, that he had some bad things happen before he was placed with us. I grieved that time he wasn't with us. About a year into our relationship... the pain was much less because we had built our own memories with him, we developed our own history and that was so healing. Finally, I was worried our older son might have some angst about us having his brother from birth but not him. It was SO HEALING for him to see us with the baby, he had an idea of how parents were supposed to love baby, how we would have loved him and treated him, etc. It was WONDERFUL for us and we wouldn't have it any other way. It just IS our life. We love our baby experiences. Cherish them. But we would take a toddler again in a heartbeat. I hope you'll consider it, too! :)
Thank you guys :grouphug: If we are matched with this little girl I am sure I will have some moments where I will be little jealous of new parents with a baby. I had dream pregnancies and bio children and have moved on better than I thought I would. I naturally have a dream adoptive baby situation. I know of several people who gave up the opportunities to be parents waiting for their dreams to happen, one couple my husband knows have waited for 10 years. I am choosing to pursue a real flesh and blood child over a dream child. My original dream child is already being replaced in my heart by this little girl. I am off work with broken elbow and I am anxiously awaiting the toddler adoption book I ordered from amazon to come in the mail today. If we don't adopt this little girl than all this research and soul searching will better prepare us for the next possible placement. Thank you to all who answered my post, all of your replies have helped me with this process.
Enjoy the process. I have never seen myself as an infant person and actively pursued toddler/preschool matches.....well I did get matched 2 times and both fell through due to one reason or another Then I got matched and placed with an infant...ha ha ha so much for what my brain thought was an "ideal" placement (i'm a speech therapist and love the 3-5 year old range....i'm also single so I was worried about such a little person who can't talk or walk yet) I may not be the ideal "infant" person type still, but my L has been my light and joy and while I don't miss the infant stage if I'm honest (she's now almost 2) and I LOVE the toddler stage, I'm so glad she's my child. If this match is meant to be, you will feel the same way I have a feeling :woohoo:
Alice, I know that you have an idea that you will have jealousy and longing for that infant experience, but trust me when I say that if you adopt this child and fall in love with her, you will not even remember that longing. It will be replaced by all the love and other things that go into being a mommy. The little girl, if she is meant for you, will fill your heart. Wishing you joy in your journey.
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missmargaret
I know that you have an idea that you will have jealousy and longing for that infant experience, but trust me when I say that if you adopt this child and fall in love with her, you will not even remember that longing. It will be replaced by all the love and other things that go into being a mommy. The little girl, if she is meant for you, will fill your heart.