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Has anyone had experience with yr agency encouraging continued bmom visits after yr *closed* adoption has been completed? We adopted our now 4yo son when he was 22mos. He'd only spent a cpl of mos w/his bmom when he went into foster care. Bmom cont'd to see him during foster care & our SW (who was tight w/bmom) petitioned judge to mandate cont'd visits w/us 'til adoption completed. SW then asked us to put in writing for bmom when she cd see son & how often, etc. Given that 1) bmom has borderline pers'y d/o, is a polysubstance abuser, has been in jail mpl times, & we--and everyone else--were afraid of her; and 2) since SW hadn't weaned Bmom from him during the almost year since "cease reunification" was the goal & he was placed w/us (not as foster, but adoptive parents), we agreed to a cpl visits a yr. Visits have always been unpleasant for us & him. Now that some time has elapsed, the fear gone, we want to leave it up to our son to tell us (when he's "of age") when he wants to see her. At that time, we'll happily comply. Up to now, it's been all abt what bmom wants or "needs." Our "agreement" was informal, never signed, not legal, etc., & we are ready to tell bmom this. We do not have an "open adoption!" SW says it's not good to "sever" relshp w/bmom. Any experience/research about the implications for our son of us doing this? We'd LOVE to hear it! Thanks!
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Thank you, and yes, we've been very open to sending pictures, updates, etc. each quarter & will continue to do that. It's almost seemed that these "reminders" prompt her to contact our post-adoption SW more frequently immediately after receiving these, but probably this will die down as time goes on. (She is also due to deliver another baby any day now, so that could be a bit "distracting," but also introduces a whole new set of challenges.) Thx again for taking the time to respond! (especially knowing that you've yr hands full w/twins!!)
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As a birthmom, my experience was a little different but yet somewhat the same. I began as a closed adoption. When my bdaughter turned 6, I sent a medical update to her family through the agency. It was during the time that here in Illinois that a child was removed from their family when a birthfather fought to have the child returned. I sorta did this to make sure they knew that this was not going to happen to them. :o Within a week I received my first letter from them and we continued to write and send pictures until she decided to meet at the age of almost 18. :cheer: I really am blessed and thankful to them for keeping me in the loop with her life. It was through letters over the years that we learned so much about each other. We learned how to approach situations and I believe this has made the reunion that much easier. I now have an amazing relationship with my bdaughter, her Mom and Dad and the entire family. :banana: I think for me as a birthmom, seeing the love that her Mom has for her has made me realize that this is one of the most important bonds between them. It has made me appreciate and want to make sure that their relationship remains as close if not closer then they currently have. It has made me realize what is most important .. she has a Mom and Dad.. and I have a beautiful and loving friend in both her and her Mom. :wings:
nyanankhya
Has anyone had experience with yr agency encouraging continued bmom visits after yr *closed* adoption has been completed?