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Have you discovered a sibling or half-sibling that you did not know existed? I have. I found out, upon the death of my father, that I have two half-sisters that he never told me about. That was nearly three years ago. As a grad student in psychology, I instantly went to the research for help with the emotions I was feeling. What research? Wow! With all of the people that deal with this issue, there has not been much, if any, research dedicated to explaining the unique emotions and behaviors surrounding the discovery of and potential reunion with secret siblings! I began scouring books, websites, journals...anything I could get my hands on to try to understand this phenomenon. I felt deceived, shocked, curious, excited, frightened, guilty etc., etc., etc. I connected with any and all people that were interested in sharing their stories and realized that each situation is so incredibly unique and worthy of attention. I located and made contact with one half-sister and have plans to meet her soon! In the process of all of this, I have decided to formally research the phenomenon of secret and surprise siblings in an effort to give a voice to those faced with the situation. I would like to include ALL perspectives, e.g. the secret or unknown child/ren, full and half-siblings of the child (both birth and adoptive), the parents (both birth and adoptive), relatives, etc.. I hope to develop an evidence based theory to assist those individuals and families who are dealing with this issue. If you have a story to tell I am ready and willing to listen. Please contact me via private message as all information will remain CONFIDENTIAL. Looking forward to connecting and PLEASE, wish me luck on my impending reunion with my surprise sister:love:
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I have just made contact with 1 of 3 half siblings that I have. Of course it was a secret and she new nothing of me. My BM has now passed on and my sister said she never mentioned me. Needless to say she was completely caught off guard when she got my message. We have exchanged emails and are planning to meet soon. If you can send me a list of questions I would be more than happy to answer them.
Wow! I wish you the best in your reunion/s. So sorry to hear that you were not able to connect with your bmom:( There are so many new feelings in these situations, aren't there. I go up and down with it myself. Could you please contact me via private message so that I can get your contact info to send you the questions? Thanks for the response.
Hello Suprisesibling,Although it has been quite some time since you made your post about discovering your secret sister, I am hoping that I may be fortunate enough to still be able to make contact with you. I too am a psychologist who about 3 years ago discovered I have a secret sister. I am also keen to discover more about peoples' experiences of discovering previously unknown siblings and am currently preparing a research proposal in order to gain further understanding about the potential impact of such a revelation.I look forward in anticipation to the possibility of contact with youKind regards
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I am a kept sibling. I knew nothing of the brother that my mother had give up for adoption until I accidentally found out he existed when I was 16 years old (I'm 46 now). He is 17 months younger than I, and we have the same mother and father. I can tell you that I was VERY angry at my mom...but not because I had a sibling and I was no longer an only child, but because she didn't TELL me! I dreamed of having a brother (never wanted a sister), and now come to find out I actually DO have a brother! I was mad at her for not telling me, but that quickly was replaced with the excitement and love I had for him, and my desire to move heaven and earth to find him!! I HAD to find him! It consumed me. I would search and search, and then not finding him would depress me and I would quit for a while...but then something would trigger me again, and I would search again. I finally FOUND him in April of this year!! It's been wonderful and amazing for both of us! We are EXACTLY alike, and look like twins! I can promise you, we won't ever be separated again!!
I had a few half-siblings I knew nothing about as I was adopted. Most dead, the remaining very elderly. I really don't think the majority of people have happy reunions with siblings, biological 'parents,' etc. It's just unrealistic to expect to have a strong sibling or parent/child relationship with someone you've never met. Some people find things in common with their discovered biological siblings, while others find hatred or are simply ignored. Not all reunions are happy endings, some end with nothing but silence. I've seen that way too often with the people I have helped search for.
I know this thread is old but thought I'd chime in. I recently found out on ancestry that I have a half sister that I didn't know anything about. She was born 17 months before me and given up for adoption. My Mom was 18. She has never told anyone about this. I am planning on meeting my sister soon but am conflicted as to whether I should tell me mom. Part of me thinks it's her story to tell and she has chosen not to tell. The other part of me feels that this could be such a healing journey for her. I'm so stressed about talking to her. She's very guarded and not one to show her feelings. This could either devast her or ?