DH wants to adopt but he is afraid of drug effects...
Hi all,

We've decided to start the adoption process. DH is a little concerned on regards the drug stuff....I lnow agencies do test the birthmother for heavy drugs...can you please give me any advice in how to go through this fact?
If the mother lied about not using drugs and the baby is born with drug effects can the adoption be revoked?
I know that this doesn't matter since we would love the child but we can't aford a child with known severe medical needs..

Thanks a lot
First off Welcome!

What I would do is talk to the agency you plan to use and ask them what their policy is on this subject. To my knowledge most agencies do not specifically test expectant moms for drugs. Emoms are asked what, if any, drugs they have used or use and how often. But, past that I don't believe the agency will do anything.

I think it's important to know that not all expectant moms who are looking into placing use drugs. I think it's a Lifetime Move channel misconception. Sure there are emoms who use, but not all.

I would do as mush research as you can on specific drugs and their effects on the fetus. Some have minor effects and some have major effects. For us alcohol was the main substance we were not open to. But, in reality if your open to one substance then you need to consider the fact that others are bring used to.

The truth is you'll never know for sure. Your not going to be with the emom all day everyday monitoring her moves. For us it boiled down to trust. Trust in the emom that she was telling the truth and trust in God that he would uphold his promise and not give us more than we could handle.
If you plan to use an agency, they will most likely ask you to fill out a form that indicates what kinds of situations you are willing to accept. We were not willing to accept any drug use except tobacco, and we were matched and placed in less than a year. You can choose what situations you are open to and what you are willing to accept. Yes, it may mean you wait longer, but you have to do what is right for you.

As a pp said, I don't think most agencies drug test e-moms, so you just have to trust what they say. I know that can be hard, but there is no other choice. Keep in mind that the e-mom cannot sign consent until after the baby is born - hopefully any major problems would be obvious at birth, and you would have the option to say no if the baby was obviously drug addicted or exposed.
Also keep in mind that many babies who are drug or alcohol exposed may not show any side effects until later, preK or early school age in some cases, often this is when learning disabilities or ADHD behaviors will show. There are NO sure things in adoption. But there are no sure things about birthing children either.
Just my two cents...but, we have *two* drug exposed infants in our family(through foster care, we actually felt called to care for drug exposed babies) and I can tell you that other than dealing with active withdrawals(which you are not likely to run into unless you are taking a child in foster care) unless the child was alcohol exposed...these kids are no different...I have four biological sons and I can point to struggles that each has had that are similar or identical to the issues these babies have(sensory integration for one) and I can tell you, i never touched anything...in fact, I am a recovering control freak...I don't even touch alcohol...I don't think you are very likely to run into Fetal Alcohol Syndrome...and that is the big one...most drugs have effects, but not like that...and it all depends on when in development, etc. I just want to encourage you and your hubby. Trust God for the right child...this is not going to be a random thing! You will get the child you were meant to have...and those He calls, He also equips to care for the calling! Blessings! It is quite a journey!!
bluebutterfly78 said...
Hi all,

We've decided to start the adoption process. DH is a little concerned on regards the drug stuff....I lnow agencies do test the birthmother for heavy drugs...can you please give me any advice in how to go through this fact?
If the mother lied about not using drugs and the baby is born with drug effects can the adoption be revoked?
I know that this doesn't matter since we would love the child but we can't aford a child with known severe medical needs..

Thanks a lot

I believe you get info, before you adopt, since they test the baby in the hospital. Meaning you could back out, if you havent signed the papers to adopt.
bluebutterfly78 said...
If the mother lied about not using drugs and the baby is born with drug effects can the adoption be revoked?Thanks a lot


I'm not usually one to start a flame . . . but, if fyou give birth to a child and they have a birth defect, do you have the option to give them back?
Drugs or not, you may have no choice, once your husband and you fall in love with the baby. Good luck!
c.a said...
I'm not usually one to start a flame . . . but, if fyou give birth to a child and they have a birth defect, do you have the option to give them back?
Yes!
actually you can give them up for adoption or leave them at the hospital. With that being said, would she do drugs while she's pregnant? I'm guessing No! So she should expect the birth mom not to do drugs either.
I would encourage you to do some research on the effects, short term and long term of specific drugs. For example, cocaine doesn't have the long term effects that most people think. Meth is much bigger issue.

In January, we were matched with and emom who was in a methadone treatment program. Her drug of choice was prescription pain meds. It would be too risky for the baby to stop her cold turkey during pregnancy, so in each of her pregnancies (this was her 3rd), she was in a methadone program where doctors monitored her and provided the correct level for her situation. That baby was born on methadone and would go through withdrawal in the hospital after birth. We'd be looking at 3 to 6 weeks of hospital care depending on the withdrawal symptoms. In FL, the baby would be covered by Medicare and the agency was working with the Ronald McDonald house for us to stay there. We proceeded because our research showed no long term affects after the withdrawal period from Methadone exposure. And no evidence of a higher likelyhood of addiction problems down the road. In the end, this mom changed her mind and decided to try to get sober and parent, so we didn't adopt him. But we would have in a heart beat once we did the research.

We worked with a consultant who helped us look at a bunch of possible scenarios (all were ones they had seen). We looked at scientific evidence of long term effects and decided what situations we could embrace. For drug use, Methadone was a no brainer for us to accept. Methamphetamines would have been a different story.

Do the research, then decide before hand what you can embrace. Then put it in God's hands and trust he won't give you more than he will help you handle.
c.a said...
I'm not usually one to start a flame . . . but, if fyou give birth to a child and they have a birth defect, do you have the option to give them back?



I hate it when I read this kind of comment. This is exactly the same argument my social worker made and I do not agree! It's true that there are no sure things in adoption and there are no sure things about birthing you own children. However, adoption IS a CHOICE so the adoptive parents can choose to accept or not accept the baby they are offered for adoption depending on whether the baby is drug exposed or not and what the adoptive parents can handle (physically, mentally and financially). Obviously, responsible mothers are not going to smoke pot or meth during pregnancy. I doubt bluebutterfly78 will do drugs if she were to carry her own. So, why can't she expect the birthmom to not do drugs and being told truthfully about a drug free baby?

Birth defects in children are beyond anyone's control. You can eat well and not do drugs during pregnancy and still end up with a child with birth defects. So, if you birth your own and the baby has a birth defect, there's nothing you can point to as the source of the issue. Nothing you can avoid doing during pregnancy to deter the birth defect. On the other hand, drug exposure naturally can't be good for a baby and most of the time the child will likely grow up to have some issues. So if the birthmom lied about not using drugs and the baby has drug effects, it really amounts to fraud on the part of the birthmom. To the person who posted the above comment, please do not ever compare uncertainties in adoption and birthing your own. It sounds to me that the person who posted the above comment probably doesn't have biological children of her own.
Please note this thread is well over a year old
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