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***I posted this in foster/adopt too. Thought getting both adoptive parent and adopted adult child opinion would be helpful.***
I am trying very hard to gather as much info on my soon to be adopted FS bioparents before adoption is finalized.
I want to have pieces to give him along the way as he grows up if he needs them. I think all adopted children will have questions about their biofamilies and I want to have some SAFE things to give him .... KWIM.
Our FS has 2 older siblings and both their adopted mom and I are on the same page about them remaining in contact. Since FS was placed as a newborn, DCS didn't make this mandatory but we both feel strongly about it. We do family outings every couple months so the girls can see their baby brother. Not sure how the relationship will unfold and sometimes it has been a little hard. But this is about the kids and what we truly believe is best for them.
Anyway, I have never met biomom, she has done 0 visits with my FS and only 2-3 with the other girls. Bmom was arrested in May and I found out and went and sat in the back of court room so I could see what she looked like, how she moved, acted, etc. Heartbreaking to say the least but I am so glad that I did. I wrote down what I saw like upturned nose, mole on left cheek, high cheekbones, etc. Positive things. So I could tell him that he has his biomom's nose and why he has beautiful blue eyes even though he is part latino.
Anyway, the question is I can get a copy of the mugshot if I want. It may be my only way of ever having a picture of biomom. I have asked CW for pics and she just hasn't went out of way to get one. Always mentions that she will look through records. Biomom actually grew up as FC herself. Pretty sure that I will be able to get picture of bio dad, if not he is from another country and think sharing that heritage with him may help fill in that gap. Anyway, I want the picture incase it will ever HELP him to know what she looked like but I am not sure that a mugshot is the best option .... but may be the only option.
So would you get it to have or just not have a picture at all? What would you do?
PS - I asked an 11 year old girl that I watch this summer who was adopted by her FP and she is pro getting picture even though she says she never even thinks about birthfamily ... funny because we sure spend a lot of time talking about them mostly her "dad" who there was none listed on BC. Not sure if she has fantasized him or if she remembers a man who was kind to her. She was removed at age 6.
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As an adoptee, I would have given anything to have ANY picture of my biomom. In fact, when I came across my biograndfather's obituary in the newspaper online, I printed it out, and stared at it, petting it almost, for about an hour. It was a picture of someone that looked like me. That's where my squinty blue eyes come from. That's where my forehead wrinkles came from.
When he's old enough to understand, I am sure he will appreciate the fact that you thought to get a picture of his biomom. No, a mug shot isn't the most flattering picture, good or not. But it *is* a picture of his beginnings. And, from that aspect, mug shot or not, it's a picture.
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I actually was able to get 2 pictures one of bmom and one with both bmom and bdad. Both are nice pictures and I am so happy that I will have them to give me son one day.
God is good and knew the desire of my heart to have this for him.
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dalynn1997
***I posted this in foster/adopt too. Thought getting both adoptive parent and adopted adult child opinion would be helpful.***
I am trying very hard to gather as much info on my soon to be adopted FS bioparents before adoption is finalized.
I want to have pieces to give him along the way as he grows up if he needs them. I think all adopted children will have questions about their biofamilies and I want to have some SAFE things to give him .... KWIM.
Our FS has 2 older siblings and both their adopted mom and I are on the same page about them remaining in contact. Since FS was placed as a newborn, DCS didn't make this mandatory but we both feel strongly about it. We do family outings every couple months so the girls can see their baby brother. Not sure how the relationship will unfold and sometimes it has been a little hard. But this is about the kids and what we truly believe is best for them.
Anyway, I have never met biomom, she has done 0 visits with my FS and only 2-3 with the other girls. Bmom was arrested in May and I found out and went and sat in the back of court room so I could see what she looked like, how she moved, acted, etc. Heartbreaking to say the least but I am so glad that I did. I wrote down what I saw like upturned nose, mole on left cheek, high cheekbones, etc. Positive things. So I could tell him that he has his biomom's nose and why he has beautiful blue eyes even though he is part latino.
Anyway, the question is I can get a copy of the mugshot if I want. It may be my only way of ever having a picture of biomom. I have asked CW for pics and she just hasn't went out of way to get one. Always mentions that she will look through records. Biomom actually grew up as FC herself. Pretty sure that I will be able to get picture of bio dad, if not he is from another country and think sharing that heritage with him may help fill in that gap. Anyway, I want the picture incase it will ever HELP him to know what she looked like but I am not sure that a mugshot is the best option .... but may be the only option.
So would you get it to have or just not have a picture at all? What would you do?
PS - I asked an 11 year old girl that I watch this summer who was adopted by her FP and she is pro getting picture even though she says she never even thinks about birthfamily ... funny because we sure spend a lot of time talking about them mostly her "dad" who there was none listed on BC. Not sure if she has fantasized him or if she remembers a man who was kind to her. She was removed at age 6.
As a former foster child who spent 7 years in foster care before being adopted, I would say it depends on the situation. Being older when I was adopted, I have very sad and sometimes bitter memories when I think of my birth mother. While I treasure the pictures of my birth and foster siblings, as well as my stay in foster care. A picture of my birth mother, is not something, that I wanted to see because it brought back some very difficult memories. I do however have a life-book that was given to my by my Foster Mom and I will forever treasure it. It reminds me that I did have a past, that my memories are real and I was someone before I was adopted. If it is an older child, like myself when I was adopted, as my foster parents did ask the child do you want a picture of the birth parent(s). In my case I chose not to as not to have to relive the memories. My foster parents Mom and Dad number 2 as I call them, abided by those wishes.
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I would love to have one I think, but I guess I don't know because I don't have one. I bet it would be kind of hard because I do remember so many bad things from when I lived with her. I think it might mean a lot to him some day.
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malinda051279
As an adoptee, I would have given anything to have ANY picture of my biomom. In fact, when I came across my biograndfather's obituary in the newspaper online, I printed it out, and stared at it, petting it almost, for about an hour. It was a picture of someone that looked like me. That's where my squinty blue eyes come from. That's where my forehead wrinkles came from.
When he's old enough to understand, I am sure he will appreciate the fact that you thought to get a picture of his biomom. No, a mug shot isn't the most flattering picture, good or not. But it *is* a picture of his beginnings. And, from that aspect, mug shot or not, it's a picture.
I agree........I wouldve given anything for any piece of information, a name, a picture..any scrap of my past. My advice would be not to give it to him until he is a teen or young adult though. By then, hopefully there would have been some open dialogue about WHY he was in foster care and he will be old enough to understand the photo is a mug shot, and the ramifications of that.
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