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My AS turned 3 years old in July and just started preschool through Head Start a couple weeks ago. He's a good boy at home and generally very sweet. I've actually never seen him get angry in the year and a half that he's been with us. He does like to rough house with one of my daughters. At school, he hits and pushes the other boys in class. He pushes them on the playground, hits them with blocks, etc. This is happening almost every single day. The teacher and parent advocate say that he's not angry at all when he's hitting/pushing. That it seems like that's how he wants to play. They say he's not frustrated or acting out aggression. He just seems to think it's fun. This is the third week of school and it isn't letting up at all. We reinforce to him before he goes to school about playing nice/hands aren't for hitting, etc. When he plays with stuffed animals/dolls, etc at home. He always wants to make them "fight" too, and he loves building blocks and then smashing them down etc. He thinks falling/smashing/pushing, etc with toys is fun. I'm not sure how "fun" and "fight" got so closely associated, but obviously he can't keep fighting/hitting/pushing at school. What else can we do besides be consistent with redirection, reinforcing good behavior, etc. Thanks.
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I'm not a parent yet, but I am a teacher (including several years at the preschool level). I don't see your son's behaviors as too alarming since he doesn't seem to be angry/acting out. Also, I don't see a problem with him pretending that toys are fighting each other or with knocking blocks down. Does he frighten or hurt the other children or are the adults the only ones who are concerned with his behavior? Is he aware of the effect he is having on others? I think I'd focus on making him aware of any fear or hurt he is causing others. If he isn't harming others, he's fine and if he is harming others then helping him to see this seems like a good way to get him to stop. Also you could play with him and help him practice appropriate ways of playing. Hope that helps. :)
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Thanks for responding. He plays very well at home, just at school, he wants to play rough (pushing, hitting etc.). Today, they said that he "kicked" another child. The teacher complains to me about his behavior every day when we pick him up. She says he doesn't sit in circle time, doesn't stay in time out when he's in trouble, etc. She keeps asking me over and over if I think he might have ADHD. He doesn't have any issues paying attention and isn't overly hyper at home. He is an active boy though. Our pediatrician doesn't have any concerns that he has ADHD. It's just frustrating to pick him up everyday and hear for 15 minutes about how he doesn't behave at school when I'm not sure what what to do about it. We explain to him over and over how hitting/kicking, etc can hurt people, etc. We reinforce positive behavior, etc. but that doesn't seem to change things at school.He had never gone to daycare before this, so this is his first time around other kids or any "organized" play like this. So maybe he just needs more time to adjust. I just feel like the teacher gave up already.
How frustrating! Makes me wonder if that teacher and/or environment of that particular preschool is just not a good fit for him. It really stinks that the teacher seems to have given up on him. Besides telling her off, I'm all out of advice...;)I hope things improve for your little guy soon. Keep me posted!
Switch preschools. Given how you feel, it's likely your son is picking up on it even more. Having an adult who is caring for him believe he is "bad" isn't good for him. There are teachers, of all ages, who just don't get kids and don't know what the range of typical behavior looks like for a given age. Even if a child is outside of that range, great teachers have a way of framing how they see their students so they are helping the child develop, as opposed to just reporting to the parents that "he doesn't behave." My dd had a lot of sensory issues that contributed to her pinching children etc. Her preschool/daycare was wonderful in helping her learn other ways to get sensory input and respond (long before we knew she had a diagnosis...) Then we went to Kindergarten, where she had a school that didn't see their job as to develop children but to consequence them if they didn't meet behavioral expectations. It was a long, hard year. We switched schools and she is thriving. Her behavior is great, she is happy, and she is loving school. My only regret is that I should have moved her last year. I was so concerned about her difficulty in transitioning, that I downplayed her daily challenges in never feeling good enough. For dd, feeling safe, loved and good enough comes first...great behavior follows. Good luck, Susan
For instance, if you have a strong willed child, an authoritarian style of parenting is probably not going to be very effective. Being overly strict and controlling with a strong willed child will create more power struggles than your patience will be able to handle. That style of parenting, however, may work with a passive child. [URL=http://www.newbornchild.net]newborn child[/URL]
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I agree with the above. Try a different school. Maybe the teachers are not a good fit and needs a little more structure in the classroom. As a counselor I deal mostly with [URL="http://www.ebony.com/life"]black parenting[/URL] groups but can notice right away if the parent and child relationship needs attention. If he's doing well at home though, trouble might be with the supervision at school. Ask to sit in on a class if you can. It will give you a better idea.
As your son never get angry on any one and remain silent and happy at home so, this means he is not a quarrelsome kid. There might be some problem or some misunderstanding created between those kids or they might be teased him because of that he had bitten him. So, I think you should ask your son about the matter.
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