Trouble bonding with adoptive child

I completely feel your pain. We brought in a 13-year-old boy into our home who is not 15 and adoption was finalized 07/01/2011. Attachment seems to be out of the question. We went through a very well known attachment study with the offer of training for us the parents but the training requires was several hours a week, time we just did not have. Although this child is big with lying, stealling, manipulating, decieving, negative attention seeking, etc., he has not been diagnosed with RAD or any kind of attachment disorder. He was only removed from his birth family at the age of 10 and has very vivid memories of them. He is also very intelligent, IQ of 153. So we have this child who we know we can provide for his physical needs without problem, but even in the attachment study it mentioned this child may not be able to attach to any parenting figures because that is his choice, not to attach. We find ourselves biting our lip a lot to make sure we do not say things that we will regret. Spend a lot of time reiterating the rules as he likes to break them, giving him opportunities to be rewarded although still preferring trying very hard to get negative attention by trying to push buttons. I do believe, regardless of what professionals say because each person is an individual who has suffered pain and hurts unique to them, that some children are very hard to reach. Sometimes the only thing I can do is remind him I am his mother who is taking care of him even though are relationship is strained and conflicted and hope that one day he will be able to understand that despite the many problems, there was a mother and father who chose to not give up on him. I also feel like I fail at being his parent every day, but sometimes I have to just to what I believe is best for a child who will be an adult in 3 years and needs me to not only show him what a secure home feels like, but teach him how to live in a very big world.