Trouble bonding with adoptive child

I came to this forum to see if I could find someone who was having trouble bonding with their adoptive child. I adopted 3 children 4 years ago. I have had a lot of trouble bonding with the oldest child, my dd. I don't feel like there is anyone that I can really talk to where I live. I'm not completely sure if the problem is her or me. After reading the threads, I realized that a lot of the reasons I am having a hard time bonding with her are related to RAD. I never connected the manipulating, acting like a 2 year old, lying, stealing, attention seeking behaviors to RAD. I guess I never looked into it much because she has ADD and most of our focus is with getting her to survive school and homework. I have felt like a terrible parent since day 1. Much like a lot of you, I don't let her act like a baby or hang all over people. When she does it, I will embarrass her right in front of her audience. She is 10 and acts like a 2 year old to get attention. I am pretty sure she hates me. My other dd and ds told me that she said she is tired of me. She wrote in her school journal that she wanted to go back to her birthplace and bring her bio mom, dad, grandparents, toys, pets, etc. to our town to live here. (She has no contact with them, they lost all rights) I don't know how to balance being firm with her to keep these behaviors under control and giving her the right amount of attention. I just need to know if someone else is having a hard time really bonding. I feel like I am the one that is at fault.