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Thank you all so very much for your kind words and advice. Now that we have had two days without our foster children, I know that this is the right thing, I was becoming physically sick with the stress. I know that if we are called again, it must be in the age range we requested and it can only be one child at a time, if that means we don't get calls for some time, I guess that is what it means. I did everything I could for these children, I know that and I can live with that. If we do this again, I won't disrupt and if I do, then I know I'm not cut out to foster at all.
I'm so very thankful for these boards, where I live, I have nobody to go to with this, there is simply no support for foster parents.
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soldoutforjesus
the agency we are with is completely about the foster kids as it should be. if you disrupt for any reason other than the kids putting you in severe damage, they will black ball you and not give you more placements...
It isn't in the "best interests" a of a child to be placed in a home that doesn't meet *that* child's need. Social worker's aren't clairvoyants that magicially know exactly what a child needs based on a two line referral. Not every family is right for every child and not every child is right for every family.
Both agencies and foster parents need to put aside egos when it comes to needs of the child.
ladyjubilee
It isn't in the "best interests" a of a child to be placed in a home that doesn't meet *that* child's need. Social worker's aren't clairvoyants that magicially know exactly what a child needs based on a two line referral. Not every family is right for every child and not every child is right for every family.
Both agencies and foster parents need to put aside egos when it comes to needs of the child.
it certainly isn't in the best interest of the child to be disrupted. we've been told if you have an y doubt at all, say no. better to say no than disrupt later.
soldoutforjesus
it certainly isn't in the best interest of the child to be disrupted. we've been told if you have an y doubt at all, say no. better to say no than disrupt later.
So how can you NOT have doubts when you've never met the children and don't know if you are equipped to handle their needs?
Yes it should be about the kids as well as about the family that takes them. I think this "policy" is wrong.
Our family has to hold some value in the situation too. Most folks dont disrupt for the fun of it.
I dont think I have knowledge of any disruptions on our BB that were not for good reasons in the eyes of the family who had to disrupt.
What may be reason for one is not for another. We are struggling right now with a current FS. Older than we wanted, way more issues than we wanted but it's not about those things. We are probably disrupting after the next court (we can hold on with safety plans in place until then I hope) Is my reason enough for your agency, or the next agency or our county? I dont know but the reason we will disrupt is enough for our family.
This just hits me today, it makes me mad to think anyone will be punished because they cannot handle the issues of a certain foster child. SO SO sad!
soldoutforjesus
the agency we are with is completely about the foster kids as it should be. if you disrupt for any reason other than the kids putting you in severe damage, they will black ball you and not give you more placements...
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soldoutforjesus
it certainly isn't in the best interest of the child to be disrupted. we've been told if you have an y doubt at all, say no. better to say no than disrupt later.
Of course it is better to decline a placement than to disrupt one later but there are circumstances where disruption is necessary for the foster family, the child or both. It is difficult decision and one that should not be made lately. That being said, sometimes it has to be done.
soldoutforjesus
the agency we are with is completely about the foster kids as it should be. if you disrupt for any reason other than the kids putting you in severe damage, they will black ball you and not give you more placements...
That is not an agency I would EVER work with.
What if my bio child got sick and I couldn't care for my bio child and my foster child...what if I got sick. What if it wasn't a good fit and the child was very unhappy? There are many many reasons that people need to disrupt. An agency shouldn't black ball just because you disrupt or say no to a placement.
Not all situations can be "matched"...with foster care I've actually yet to see them "match" a child with a family, other than not making placements with families that they know the child will not do well with (IE, our FD has a brother in foster care who perpetrates SA on basically anything that moves...he probably wouldn't be a good fit with 2 babies & 2 kids his age). When you call a family and ask them to take a placement they are taking a leap of faith. Sometimes that pays off, sometimes it doesn't...but a family should not be penalized for admitting that behaviors are too much or they can't continue to put their bio kids in a situation that is making them miserable.