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Hi Tonya,
I am an adoptee (42 years) and feel like you...my AMother was also extremely critical and affection was rare. I began playing the violin when I was four years old and was eventually concert mistress in high school, went to All-State 3 years, and earned a musuc college scholarship. It seemed like no matter what I did, it was never good enough. I tried to have a relationship with AMom my entire life and told her how much I really wanted to be close with her. She told me she could not "be that for me". I know it was at least partly because her Mom could be very cruel to her. I learned about some embarrasing and hurtful situations she experience with her Mom - not that that is an excuse. It really makes me question why she wanted to adopt a baby girl if she could not feel and act lovingly, though...Anyway, I have an ABrother who is their natural child, and she and ADad are very close with him (live 6 miles from he and his family), so I do wonder if it is the Son vs. Daughter thing or Natural child vs. Adoptive child thing. As mentioned, it is probably a personality difference, which is often different between Aparents and adoptees. I think it is harder to have a strained relationship with an AMom because you do not have the similar looks, personality, etc. drawing you back. Just want you to know there are others in similar situations. Warmly, Kris