adopted grandaughter

Speaking as a birth/first mother, I would advise you to let the initial contact be between your granddaughter and her birth parents. Does your son know that you wish to contact her via Facebook? If not, I guarantee you that he'll resent you going behind his back. Reuniting with adolescents can be very challenging, by the way. I encourage you to read up on reunions and relationships between adoptees and their families of origin.

I would never go behind my son's back. He knows about this. He is scared to death she will hate him and his guilt is overwhelming. The adoptive mother used to send pictures from time to time but they moved and we lost the ability to write to them. If we could get in touch with her, she could give us a better idea of whether or not my grandaughter wants to communicate.

I agree with Ravensong about communicating with your son first about your desires. Also is it possible to contact the agency originally used to facilitate the adoption and leave a letter in the file for your granddaughter? I think the first year of college or transition out of high school can be very stressful on a young adult, and perhaps waiting another year or two might be better.

Thank you but I already said I was communicating with my son. It's up to him. I won't be back on here because it doesn't seem very friendly or helpful.

I think u got frienly and helpful advise,u might be a little to sinsivtive on the matter.I've been told u should never try to get contact on facebook,with birth parent or child.Does she know if she's adopted?If not,then facebook might not be the best idea.Maybe u could try to contact adopted parent first.

I don't know if you will see this. I am sorry you didn't get the advice you wanted. If you have found her on FB you might be able to find her parents as well, she is probably friends with them and so you should be able to find her adoptive mother and send her a private message. She would probably know better how the girl would react to a private message from you.

Hey- I think you should ask her to be friends of FB- like you said- you already spoke to your son about it- he knows you want to- she is of legal age- no reason to go thru the agency- I am an adult adoptee and would LOVE to get a friend request from any of my birth family. GO FOR IT! If you dont, you will never know if she wants contact with you or not- if you "friend" her- you will know 100% and if she doesnt want contact, then you can move on. GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!

first message her and ask her if she was adopted? that way you will know if she knows..then take it from there

This is of course is a complicated question and you will get different answers depending on the person you ask. As an adoptee, I can tell you contact with a birth parent would have been so scary for me at age 18 as opposed to being age 40 like I am now. I would love nothing more now than for a member of my birth family to contact me. As an 18 year old, my mind was on school, my friends, boys, finances, etc. It is a very tough transitional time and I really wasn't thinking about my birth family and honestly I had negative opinions about them even though I did not know them. On the other side of the coin, I realize my birth grandparents may be deceased at this point and I feel a huge sense of loss that I have lost 40 years of a potential relationship with my birth family. I guess the best advise would be to go through an intermediary and take things very slow. Make sure she knows that you are there for her if and when she is ready to meet you. I think at the end of the day, even though it would have been scary for me at that age, I would have been excited and it would have made me feel good that a member of my birth family wanted to know me and cared about me. I would have defiinitely wanted my privacy at first though. She may be perfectly fine with being contacted on facebook but I wouldn't take that chance.

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first of all you need to find out if she knows shes adopted... because if she doesnt know thats a whole new can of worms youre opening. you never know.... her adoptive parents could be deceased and the girl could be all alone. If I were you.... I would first go to her facebook page and look at all of her friends and her conversations if you can see them and see if they are ever discussing her adoption...or whatever may be going on in her life. Does your daughter know that you found your grand daughter? Two of my sisters were given up for adoption by my mother and I found them. They were very happy that I found them. It just depends on a lot of different situations as to if she will accept you with open arms or not. But I would imagine that she would accept a grandma a lot quicker than she would a mother in a lot of cases. Good luck. mudbug

She would probably know better how the girl would react to a private message from you.:thanks: