Advertisements
Hi There. Is there anybody who has experience and/or expertise in the area of adoptee problems with teenagers? I have a friend who adopted a seven year old boy, who was seven at the time. Throughout the seven years, on and off, he has been a problem to them. I am an adoptee and it really upsets me, because I can see both sides and they have really done as much as they possibly could for him (I know I am feeling strongly about his partly because of being an adoptee myself).
He was taken from his mother at age 3.5 and placed in several different homes before he got to my friend. So, he already had alot of baggage. Now, he has hit teenage years and all hell has broken loose.
I am sure this is a common problem, but don't know which direction to point my friend in. I know it has been devastating for her and her family and if they can be helped at all, it would be great. There has been therapy and counselling over the years, but I don't think it has been of the right sort.
I can see some of myself in some of the things she says about him, and I cannot think of a way to help.
Can anybody offer anything?:confused:
Like
Share
Sorry no one has replied yet. My two cents for what they are worth. As you know yourself the teenage years are times of identity struggles and feelings of rejection that can be harder for an adoptee to navigate due to the loss of adoption. I would assume being adopted late and from foster care would add several additional layers to those concerns. Rebellion is pretty common when you are a teenager (different degrees). Did the therapists they work with have actual adoption experience/specialties? I have been told that some have no training in adoption issues and do not recognise the depth of loss to some. I would find a good adoption therapist where he feels safe to work things out in his own way and time. Hope others chime in. Kind regards,Dickons
Advertisements
Hi Breezycam.
I'm sorry your friend has gone through so many problems with her teenage son. I've also had some close friends deal with similar challenges with two teenagers they adopted.
And, I know they went through a lot of therapists and resources looking for answers. But, they did find someone eventually who helped them through this time. So, I second what Dickons said, it's key to find a therapist who has experience with adoptive issues.
Also, reading your post reminded me of a talk I heard recently from someone by the name of Dr. Karen Purvis. She specializes in issues adopted children face, and has done a lot of research on behavioral problems in children and teens. In fact, I noticed you can read some of her articles on this [URL="http://icareaboutorphans.com/Articles.aspx"]website[/URL]. I'm not sure if it will help, but it might not hurt to check it out.
Well, I hope things improve for your friend and her family!
As a former foster I would say that the advice to let them know they are not alone is big part of it. I wasn't adopted myself because I was too old but my brothers were. I'm working on imafoster.com but unfortunately there is not a lot of resources for adoptive and foster kids but I would say try to get them in touch with some one to interact with and talk it out. If you can relate that you can get further to the issue.
In situations like this sometimes I don't think there is a solution. Just because it is dealing with teenagers, even in families where children were loved and nurtured from birth these years can often be super challenging, so when you ad all the baggage. I've known plenty of parents that I thought were loving and caring go through having teenagers on drugs and worst.
For a child that had so much change in his early years and to not be adopted until 7 I would guess that attachment disorder could definitely be part of it. He may struggle with loving and attaching to others.
As a teenager that went through a lot, I think unconditional love is the greatest gift any parents can offer, even if it includes strong boundaries. The parents can be upset with the behavior but if they try to get across how much they love him and care, in the long run I think there is the best change. I know I often pushed the boundaries, hoping I would get parents that really cared, but even after a suicide attempt they made it pretty clear they didn't know how to show me that they cared.
I work in juvenille corrections and have met a few boys in similar situations, I wish I could say from talking to them I ever got more than that they needed love, but usually they are abandoned by their adopted families by the time they get locked up. I look at them and know they caused a lot of damage and pain in their families, but also see that in that moment they could really use the love of parents that love them no matter what, and only in a small percentage of adoptees have I seen that happen.
Advertisements
Title Moonlight Mile by Dennis Lehane About the Author Dennis Lehane is the author of nine novelsincluding the New York Times bestsellers Gone, Baby,
[url=http://www.sanjoseasianescort.com]San Jose Asian Escort[/url] Gone; Mystic River; Shutter Island; and The Given Dayחas well as Coronado, [url=http://www.sanjoseasianescort.com]San Jose Asian Escorts[/url]a collection of short stories and a play. He and his wife, Angie, divide their time between Boston and the Gulf Coast of Florida. Book Description Acclaimed New York Times bestselling author Dennis Lehane delivers an explosive tale of integrity and [url=http://www.sanjoseasianescort.com]San Jose Escort[/url]vengeanceheralding the long-awaited return of private investigators Patrick Kenzie and Angela Gennaro? Amanda McCready was four years old when she vanished from a Boston neighborhood twelve years ago.[url=http://www.sanjoseasianescort.com]San Jose Escorts[/url]