I am frustrated, I am 50 years old and feel like I have been trying to please my parents and my family (sibs) for 50 years.
I am not like them at all. I am creative, love animals...etc.
My adoptive family are all anal professionals, planners to a fault and very judgemental...How do I break this cycle it is interfereing with my adulthood.
MKR
LOL i could have written this
Things that helped me, maybe they can help you -
My abrothers (aparents bio sons) feel the same way as me, even tho they are very similar to our parents when it comes to talents and chosen careers. All of us seem to have this issue working for us. My adult daughter has reported the same upsetting feelings due to the judgement etc., as me and my brothers.
Just knowing that I am not completely alone helps so much! It's really not me, it's them.
Know that.
We all agreed that it is OK to lie to our parents if it keeps them happy and saves us from the soul sucking judgmental disapointed guilt they can put on us. They obviously like it better when we lie. We all agreed to tell our lies to each other so we can back each other up.
LOL My brother made a fake report card for his kid to show our parents LOL to save him and his kid from the grief. It was the right and healthy thing to do IMO too, and all because of a C in chemistry.
Now all of their grandchildren are making straight A's ROFL and the kids and their parents are saved. Life and visits can be happy for all now.
I made my mother a cross stitch picture that says:
If I only knew
that it was wrong
to put others
under my own expectations
and make them feel guilty,
I would have stopped
manipulating them
and chosen love
as the higher way.
I've become strong enough to throw it back at them.
There are many ways to live life, many grand ways. One is not better than another.
One may be better for you, but not so much for someone else.
People who have judgements about the way others live their life are living in their own small world.
They don't know what they think they know.
Make yours large and invite them in to see it. Take all of life you can, don't allow anyone to box you into a small one.
Those are only glass walls that are around you. They are easy to break out of, if you can see them. But you must be able to see them or every time you get close you will continue to bump your nose and step back.
:roadblock:
Bust out babe, carry a big stick if necessary LOL
If you aren't in an environment or around people who help you thrive, build it yourself. Invite others searching for the same to join you. It's never to late.
I am my only possibility of becoming myself.
good luck, it can be done, you can do it!:cheer:
