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Ok, I need guideance from someone who has been here before. I have a 13 year old, (he will be 14 in December) I have a 11 year old (he will be in Jan) There are few times where those two get along fairly well. But mornings and , most times. they fight like cats and dogs. Not physical fist flying, but attitude, disrespect, and just general being a nusiance to each other. My wife and I have told te oldest to be respectful to the younger brother, and he is going to be like this to a point. We have been on to the youngest about giving the old brother a hard time. But in the long run, doest work. We will try to go do something as a family, and they will wind up starting an argument between each other, and then there they will go.
I understand that this is part of the age for both of them, but there has to be a way to encourage them to get along better.
I have suggested to my wife that we force them to cohabitate with each other. They each have their own room, and their own enviroment. I have made the suggestion that we put the bunk beds back together, and make them move in to each other. to foce them to cohabitate and to live together, hopefully that will encourage them to interact in a psotive way, and develop the appreciation for each other (here is hoping)
My wife has the ideas of removing all electronics from them, tv, computer, xbox, remove it all (they keep their induvidual rooms) and use those items and reward if they start to get along, my thing is that will make the gorge we are trying to traverse harder, because they both will blame each other for this happening, and so maybe encouraging them to stay at each other. It will also be easy for them to act like all is well, just long enough to get their items back, when the items come back, they go back at it again.
I am sure one of you have been through this, and you all are level headed, great parents, who do your best for your kids (as I try to) Can you offer any insight, advise suggestions...... any input would be appreciated and considered...
thanks
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I'd take the electronics and only put them in the common area of the house that has been declared a nuetral peace zone.
Arguing children can then be sent to individual rooms for the sanity of the household. (I tend to send mine outside to argue)
Arguing that ruins outings can cause one to miss out on outings or have to repay the cost of the outing for ruining it for everyone else.
In my opinion, you cannot force people to get along. You can, however, insist they behave in a civil manner in your presence.
Good luck.
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I come from a family where my sisters and I currently are 35, 32, 31 and 29 (nearly 30) so imagine your household times 2, add in the "girl" factor and the fact that we fought physically at times and I can relate :)
We had shared rooms in our house and that didn't cause us to get along any better or worse. I agree with putting the electronics in a common area of the house and nipping the fighting as soon as it starts and send the boys to their rooms.
As they approach puberty, it's gonna get worse, trust me, but they will grow out of it. My sisters and I are all close and only suffer from the occasional arguments now.
Just one parents opinion! We now have a 13, 15 and (2) 19 year old boys so this comes from experience.I agree with PP on the electronics in common area only! You can't make them "Like" each other. But you can demand consideration on everyone's part. Our job is to teach appropriate behavior skills they need for home, school, friends and future relationships.Our boys are not allowed to abuse each other or my son, daughter, husband etc... Communication, Consideration and Consequences are the bases for our discussions on treatment of others and what they should expect from others.I charge the boys against their allowance for poor attitude & treatment of others :D The spoils then go to the person the attitude is directed at. An example: Son "your ugly Bubba" Mom "Ok, that will cost you a buck, Do you really want to make it 2?" :cop: Apologize and knock it off!If I have to I will then go after stuff and confiscate it to get my point across "abuse is not acceptable!"I am the Momma cop and they respect that :evilgrin:When their behavior doesn't get them the results they want they stop it.It's not easy but we find it to be very necessary.