My child doesn't want anything to do with me.

A couple of the lies told to her about me was that her amother didn't know where I was and she searched for me but couldn't turn up anything. Her amother has always known my address and phone number. I have the photos and letters she mailed me down through the years to prove it. Another lie is that I abandoned my daughter. Not true. I went through Catholic Charities and had contact with the amother throughout my pregnancy. We even agreed when I went into labor for her to come immediately so my daughter would be with her from the very beginning. I did not want her to wind up in the system or an orphanage. I wanted her to be with someone that loved her as much as I did from the very beginning. She did come. My daughter had jaundice when she was born. I was released before her. She stayed an extra two days. I went every day to see her and just hold her. This is extremely hard to talk about. I'm crying at this very moment. I have been ostricized, criticized, put down, talked down to, made fun of, and judged by my family and anyone they told. When I was pregnant, I felt I had nowhere to turn and I was ashamed for being pregnant out of wedlock. My family made me feel even worse. Noone would help me. Now I'm broken. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I wish I had been stronger for her, for both of us. I will regret it until the day I die. I don't talk to anyone about it. It's my secret. Somedays when my emotions overwhelm me, I just sit and cry until I can cope. At times, I feel like I am unraveling. Prior to me joining this forum, I did send her a card telling her how much I loved her and if she ever needed or wanted me, I would be there for her. But, did she even get it? I only have her amother's address. Thank you all so very much. You have no idea how communicating with you helps me. I don't feel alone anymore. I don't feel hopeless anymore. Best regards, Bleeding Heart