Facebook and adoption
Would it bother you if there were pictures of your adopted children on Facebook that were put on there by bio family? Or would you try to have them removed?
It would depend on the relationship you have with the first family, and what kinds of things they are posting. If your child's privacy is being threatened, then yes, I would have it taken down. If the relationship is good and you don't feel that there is any damage being done, I would let it go.
It depends on the type of adoption. We have an open adoption now and I don't mind if the parents post pics on FB because we're so poen. Not co-parenting, but she sees and talks to them about once a month(she's 4). For us, I'm not concerned that they call themselves her parent(s) because they are and it really isn't anybody's business what the relationship between all of us is.

If they were posting pics as a way to negate your status as the parent, then that would be a red flag issue, especially if the reason behind the adoption was abuse. In that case, I would have said no to posting pics.
I think once we finalize we are going to try to have them removed or that is what we've been saying. But as we get closer, I don't know that i care so much about the very old ones that have been there for awhile. Having said that we def. won't be allowing any futures pictures to go on bp's fb pages. It's going to be interesting when we do a visit and bm tries to take a pic of him. We'll have to say no and it won't go over well.

On the FB subject, but not about pics....what do you think of bp's listing STBAS as their child with his previous name? Should we just let that go? In a way he is their son, but after Friday it won't be his name any longer. I was just thinking of this yesterday and not sure how to handle it.
Just to clarify why we don't want future pics on FB....although we do have an open relationship, it's not particularly friendly. My biggest concern is her friends knowing who he is or being able to recognize him as he gets older. None of her friends are stable people and i know she has told them all that we stole her son so i really worry about one of them getting to him someday and saying horrible things about us. Does that sound crazy!!??
I just saw a picture I took posted by our twins bio dad on facebook labeled as "his four kids". (They have two younger siblings somewhat in his care.) It bothered me. But not enough to have him stop. Just that kinda, ugh feeling.

If you do not want her posting, you have all the right to report it.
Too forward of me??? For tonight!
I'm attending a Foster Care Association meeting tonight. The last time I was there I was not licensed yet but was just about to be. The lady who works at the placement desk for the State approached me and we struck up a conversation. At the end of it she asked for my name, number and who we were willing to take. I quickly wrote it down (sooooooo chicken scratch) ripped it off the paper and handed it to her.
Fast forward to tonight where I'll see her again and now we're a licensed home. I want to give her our info again but clearer and better written. I was thinking printing it out on a half sheet of bright colored card stock? Something simple but not something that she can easily lose and that will be memorable. Is that too forward of me??
Well I am a facebook stalker and I created a facbook just for bio family and blocked them from my "real" facebook, that way I can watch what goes on there and if I feel its a threat to my kids I will request them be removed but I have always looked at bio family like this "If it werent for them I wouldnt have my sons" so I feel that the deserve and have a right to have the pictures on facebook if they are old and from the time that they had custody of the boys. As far as new pictures I have given them a couple via email and I always edit the picture with their new names on the picture and it usually is a picture of the whole family!
Public pictures would bother me ie. a profile picture- but then they do in general, and I never publicly post pictures of my kids. I don't allow my friends and relatives to post public pictures of them either. GG and LM's mum does have some facebook pictures of them, but they are private. That doesn't bother me because of our relationship, which is a pretty close one.

The other consideration for me is that the law over here says that the person who took the photo is legally allowed to do what they like with it, no matter who is in the photo. So I wouldn't have any right to have very old photos removed anyway
It depends.

The first mom of one of my children posted pictures I sent her on her MySpace, and then friended the rapist who destroyed the life of my AD. No. I told her that if she wanted more pictures she would remove the images, unfriend the rapist, and never again post images I send her. She complied in a hurry.

Another one of my kids first mom is a facebook friend, and I have no objections to her posting images I send her.

Another one of my kids would love to have any interest from her first mom, but even if I send her pictures she does not respond.
Well, I have considered having them removed at finalization. My biggest issue with the pictures is that it shows part of the neglect. IMO, it is just one more way to prove the parents were clueless to this part of the problem that caused them to lose their children. No reasonable parent would put *those* pictures up.

I probably won't worry about it unless the children want me to in the future.
It depends.
All bps of my kids have my kids listed as their children on facebook with their old names. That doesn't bother me in the least -- they ARE still the kids' birthparents.

However, I reported AD's bm's facebook when I saw that she had stolen my profile picture (taken well after AD's adoption at a family event (i.e.- a picture I would have never given her a copy of)), cropped everyone but AD out, blew it up, and used it as her profile pic on facebook. I msg'd her and asked her to take it down, and she ignored it, so I reported her page, and they disabled it. My relationship with AD's bm is strained. She will go months ignoring pics and updates, and then all of a sudden, steal a pic from somewhere and pretend that she still has custody of my daughter.

However, pictures I send to AS's bps, I could care less if they end up on facebook -- we have a very open relationship with them, and they totally get and accept the adoption. It's a VERY different relationship with them. They are also very open about the fact that they don't have custody of my son-- so that helps, I think.

And certainly, pictures that were taken while bps still had parental rights, are not my property, and I would never ask a bp to take down a picture that they, themselves took while they still had parental rights.
Our kids' birthmother posts pics of them every once in a while. I feel that she's just proud of them. We have a good, but relatively distant relationship. The only thing that does bother me a bit is that she has 700+ "friends", so total strangers are seeing these pics. The pics were copied off of a website that we maintain for her. So, they're pics we took.

So, I would not bother having them removed, but it does bother me that people we don't know are seeing the pics, and many of the people she knows are a bit insane. But what is the worst that could really happen? Probably not much?
jmd5294 said...
However, I reported AD's birthmom's facebook when I saw that she had stolen my profile picture (taken well after AD's adoption at a family event (i.e.- a picture I would have never given her a copy of)), cropped everyone but AD out, blew it up, and used it as her profile pic on facebook. I msg'd her and asked her to take it down, and she ignored it, so I reported her page, and they disabled it. My relationship with AD's birthmom is strained. She will go months ignoring pics and updates, and then all of a sudden, steal a pic from somewhere and pretend that she still has custody of my daughter.


Wow. Um yeah, that would make me do the same.

Our STBAD's birthmom is amazing. We have an account set up for the baby and it is just for her birth family. I tag them in pics all the time. When mom did her identified surrender she actually removed my daughter from her profile (where you list your kids) but left her older 2, and it made me kinda sad! She refers to me as the baby's mom but still leaves little messages and comments on the baby's pics about how she can't wait to see her and how much she loves her. We have a great relationship so I totally look forward to these. I have printed out a few of the comments and put them in Chuy's lifebook under the pic that mom commented on.

I do want to do the same for Curly's mom but the CW is still not giving me the go ahead. I love FB when it is being used properly but many of the BPs don't have what it takes to keep it that way.
This is tough. I am ok with J's other family posting pictures taken when she was with them. I'm not ok with them posting current pictures (there's a pedophile and other problematic people).

Now, that said, half of her "other family" is also my family. I'm irritated as heck when my cousin steals pictures and uses them as his avatar on fb. his page, at a quick glance, implies J still lives with him.

However, in order to keep the peace so we have access to J's brother, i suck it up. He's a bit unstable and the back lash could hurt J. But, then again, if he was stable, she might not be with so... argh
there are no easy answers
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