I spent two weeks away from home taking the emom to her appointments, to labor and delivery when she thought she was in labor, my husband came down for a week...I was holding her hand during the C-Section after inducement didn't work 9-days after her due date...we stayed at the hospital with this woman and she told the adoption agency all along that she would sign the papers. Living hell. One hour before signing the TPR she sent a social worker into the hospital room we were paying for to tell us she changed her mind. If I sound bitter - you BET! It shouldn't cost this much money to become parents and we should have recourse to get every dime back. I'm mad, sad, hurt, broken, scared and wondering what the frack this is all for. I'm not even sure we can afford to try again. This all went up in flames the day before Thanksgiving - so on the holiday we got to pay a ton of money to fly home. Thousands and thousands of dollars gone. I know so many of you have been through this; I'm not throwing myself a pity party, I'm too pissed off for that. How can I ever trust any emom enough to match now?
I am so sorry. Take your time to morn and be pissed. You have plenty of time to decide how to proceed, just don't do anything rash until you have time and are in a better position to think it out. My thoughts are with you!
Definitely take your time to grieve this loss before entering into a new potential situation, as you do not want to harbor negative feelings towards the next potential birth mom because of this birth mom's choice to parent. Best to you!
Definitely take your time to grieve this loss before entering into a new potential situation, as you do not want to harbor negative feelings towards the next potential birth mom because of this birth mom's choice to parent. Best to you!
I believe this sad event proved that that particular baby was not meant to be part of the OP's family. There is a haapy ending though. Since this thread this family has gone on and welcomed that baby boy that was meant to be their forever child.
Sunday-I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand your range of emotions. Did you get back on the adoption roller coaster? If so, how did you decide to do so? We are facing the very real possibility of having to give our baby to the birth father. We've had her for 4 months! Thank you for sharing!
Oh Zen, nooooo! I'm so sad to hear that. I have major updates & I don't know why I've not posted. I'll go do that now. I hope & pray your daughter will stay with you.
Hello. I hope that by now you have a cute baby at home. Last week two days before the scheduled c section day we found out that the birth mom gave birth earlier and gave the baby to another agency. My heart is broken. I took off from work. My mom fle in and I am not sure how to cope. Any advice?
Sunday, I can only say Im sorry. These kinds of decisions happen and are difficult to understand.
You gave gone out of your way to see it through and I don't want to add anything to a devastating experience.
I don't know the b-moms story, what I can say is that from personal experience I have seen cases where the b-mom changed her mind just as she did with you, went on to keep the baby in spite of all odds, then found that she was simply unable tp keep the child. She just needed to find out for herself.
The result was that the hopeful a-parents were able to get the child and all was well. It does happen. I don't want to build any false hopes, but it's a possibility. All I can offer is, "one day at a time."
Hang in there to see what happens.
I wish you the very best.
I just want to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your situation. But if anyone can understand, it's us. We had something similar happen. We were working with a local attorney to save some costs and he connected us with an attorney in CA who does adoption matching. Everyone was really nice and we knew that once matched, we were responsible for building a relationship with the birth mom. So we met her in CA in October. She said really nice things and was in touch often. Once she was in labor we flew to meet her in the hospital and just missed the birth. We then proceeded to spend 4 days in her hospital room and were subjected to some awful situations. It was pretty traumatic. But we loved this little baby girl and birth mom chose to have her room in with her and we stayed in there too, taking care of the baby while birth mom requested a lot of drugs for pain and terrorized the nurses, doctors and staff. She told us when we got there "I could have just told you I was still pregnant" as if to scam us, and I said "but you did tell us that's why we trust you." Anyway, we left the hospital on day 4 after birth mom threatened to hold the baby hostage for a number of reasons. Then she calls me at the hotel to ask for her final check to be sent early to her through the attorney for Christmas. I said sure. She was supposed to sign three days later. She waited until the last day and then asked for the baby back. We are out $30,000 anyway, feel like victims of fraud, heartbroken and traumatized. Then we go meet with our attorney today only to be spoken to in a condescending manner. Unfortunately, instead of putting him in his place, I cried. And we are just supposed to try this again???
"How can I ever trust any emom enough to match now?"
I don't think that you can ever trust an emom to guarantee that she won't decide to parent her child. It's her right, and no one knows how they are going to feel after their child is born.
You might want to consider only babies that are already born and legally available for adoption. There is a woman named Linny on this site who has adopted more than once (I forget how many) that way, and she has lots of good advice.
Hoping I feel horrible for you. I must agree after reading a few of your posts there more to this story than simply a birth mom who has decided to parent. Although that is completely understandable it sounds to me like you have a very good case for fraud. I'd have someone look in to that angle.
I do recommend however as others have said that if you want more of a guarantee that you choose another matching firm or that you choose already born children to adopt going forward.
You do have to look at this as a "gift" because there is no guarantee. Them keeping the baby is a natural response to pregnancy. It's not an easy decision and to defy your own instincts I think must be; immensely difficult. I think we're blessed it ever happens.
i am so sorry for your loss i also spent tons of money and bought a full nursery after having a relationship w/ my e mom for 6 months, she told me today she changed her mind and found another family, no reaon given...these arent words to descibe how i feel, im done...i am going to try fostering