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I just want to touch on a couple of things regarding the terms discussions lately as well as what is an unfortunate rise of scamming in the adoption community. First let me say that we actually do typically see a rise in scams during the holiday season. It is of course not limited to adoption as we all know. The holidays are a vulnerable time for many and scammers know it. With the economy still being depressed in many places, there is of course a rise in criminal activity on many fronts. That said, I want to make it clear that there IS a huge difference between a scammer and an emom with an adoption plan. The scammer never intends to place their child or isn't even a pregnancy to begin with. The sole purpose for these people (let's face it, men are involved at times too) is to get money/gifts and prey on others. That isn't what an emom is, who might change their mind at some point and decide to parent. This act/decision does NOT make them a scammer. It means they changed their mind, which of course they have the right to do. It's their child. Of course there are situations where emoms might consider placing, change their minds and also scam, but as a whole, I think there's a distinct difference. Scammers are most definitely NOT a bmom. I REALLY want to make this one very clear. I personally cringe when I see "bmom" used in the same phrase as "scammer" etc. as it's not even remotely close to being true. Women who place thier child for adoption and terminate their legal rights are bmoms. I know when a match fails, emotions are high. I'm not even really directing this so much at those people who have been through this or are going through this. It's a trying time and not the right time or place for terminology discussions. I see it though from members who've been around for awhile and I just want to have a little reminder for us all when responding to these types of situations. Be clear in what happened because a failed match is not necessarily a scam as well and here in this community, it makes a big difference. It's similar to the difference between those aparents who agree to an OA and later close it. They intended to keep it open and felt that was what they wanted, but later changed their minds. Does that make them scammers? No. And the ones that do promise OA's "Just to get a baby" are far fewer than the ones who really want this and try to do it. Big difference, no? Hopefully we can kind of move on a bit with this and try to respect the differences. I plan to sticky this as requested on another thread as we move forward with more understanding "terms & such". I haven't forgotten that.:)
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I found this site on google. First few threads where ok. Then I read some realy disturbing ones. I'm two weeks from delivery. Baby's father abandoned us. I have 1,2,3 year old boys. Birth control failed here I am. All my kids except this one are from a 9 year marriage. I was severely abused and beaten many years. I tried hiding birth control from him but he found it and I ate a steel toe boot. My counselor told me that is a control technique used to overwhelm and leave you thinking you need him. Any way I left him he found us violated an EPO drove our truck through by back door into the kitchen and assaulted me. I had my boyfriend for about a week already. I had been separated four months already. We all fled... They charged my husband with (3) 1st degree felony later to drop it all and deport him. So four months in jail he is freed pays 1000 $ and comes back acrossed. Iv ran through 5 states in witch he has been behind me. I have no family no friends. Boyfriend gave up and left. So here I am in Florida 9 months pregnant. I got here 2 days befor Christmas in my lil mustang that we badly fit anything aside from our selves in. We had no gifts for Christmas only microwave junk food for dinner... It was my lowest low. In the post I read ... Parents looking to adopt were so cruel so hatefull... As a girl alone with my babies in that motel room on my last 40$ with no meal to eat at a table on Christmas I choose to give this baby a better option. I called an agency and she paid my room told me to look for an apartment . I found one she paid everything. It's been a lil over a week now. I have a bed table and couch my kids and I have food. Tomorrow I'm going to look through profiles. How can any of you adoptive parents not want to make sure the vessel that is carrying you child is comfortable and safe. I understand some of you aren't rich but I'm sure there are a lot of girls like me that have just flat out been left with no choice but to give up their baby. God has plans for every child and adult. How could you say those things it makes me have grate anxieties now about my choice to think that the family I may choose will resent me for needing them as well as the need me . I would never give up my child if this had not happened to me. I am grateful for a open window and it (was) soothing to think I would be blessing a family with the grace of my beautiful child as well as them blessing me with a chance to get on my feet. I came from a horriable home I haven't struggled like this since I was 13 and was left a newborn sister while my mom was out on drugs... I was taken out of school she told them she was homeschooling me.... That never happened sometimes days passed before she came home. I remember stealing formula from the grocery next door to feed a squealing baby. Thank god for my know how because lord looking back I can not see how I knew to do the things I did for my baby sister. She is 17 now and lives in indiana with my friend I refused her to come with me because of her being so far in highschool. Iv had her it feels my whole life my mom and dad are both dead alcoholic grandma drug dealing uncles my aunt shot herself.. I am a survivor and for me to read how you think birth mom expenses are ridiculous makes me sick ... Do you realy think most of us would hand you our babies if we had every thing we needed. Heck no! You would not be expecting to build a family with out us and we would suffer worse without you . If you can't afford the expence find a girl who just doesent want her kid for other tragic reasons. The tread I read gave me all kinds of hate feelings like I'm saling my baby when I'm not I need help to get through this pregnancy not my life if you was a man and got a girl pregnant you would make her comfortable I'd hope. Well consider your birthmom just as that she is carrying your child inside her. If she is stressed so is your child if she is hungry so are they. If she is cold... So fowrth... Ok I just had to say that even tho them post were a few years old still it was cold...
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Thank you for sharing your story. Unfortunately, not everyone understands the issues and pressures other people are under. Some people who have lived blessed lives are simply ignorant; and it's no fault of theirs. But sharing your story may be helpful. I hope you found a great adoptive parents (or parent) for your baby. You are making the right choice. And good luck to you in your future.
Thanks for sharing, birthmom2013. I'm so sorry you've been so hurt. I can understand why it hit you like a ton of bricks! In our case, financing the whole adoption has been a significant thing, but not for a moment have we begrudged our daughter's birthfamily one penny of their support. In fact, while I was in the labor and delivery room with our bmom, she told me with tears (and I listened with tears) that they told their other daughter that "some ladies can't have babies in their tummies, so God puts their babies in other ladies tummies." That was such a sweet and incredible way of explaining adoption! We LOVE our birth family--they will always be in our hearts! I sure hope and pray that you can find peace in God with the decision you have made. My husband and I regard all birthmoms who are in your shoes as very courageous and amazing ladies. You are demonstrating incredible love for your child! If you didn't love your baby, you could've aborted it. God bless you for giving your child LIFE and LOVE!!!