Advertisements
Advertisements
[FONT="Century Gothic"][/FONT] Where do I even start? My DH have been trying to start a family since day 1 of getting married - we just celebrated our 8th anniversary. Here's a breakdown of our history:
Dec 2003 - Married
June 2005 - Started seeing OB/GYN for infertility
April 2006 - Started adoption process - but had to stop due to moving out of state
May 2008 - Looked into adoption and seeing OB/GYN again but didn't work out
Jan/Feb 2009 - Was approached to adopt a newborn by a friend but didn't work out - looked into starting the adoption/fostering process through the State but again didn't work out
June 2011 - started seeing OB/GYN once again
August 2011 - started seeing reproductive endocrinologist
Aug to Nov 2011 - full infertility workup - found out we both have issues - IVF pretty much our only option
Nov 2011 - approached by family member to become legal guardian of a three year old family member.
We're in the middle of trying to arrange the guardianship - hoping it will be finalized in January.
Lately I have been feeling really anxious. I have always wanted to be a mother - I love being around kids. I love any kid that I have the opportunity to be around. I have a friend who has adopted four kids and also has two foster kids - I've seen what she's gone through. I feel in some ways I'm really prepared but I'm just feeling anxious because of the unknown. This is going to be a major change in our lives.
The three year old that will be living with us is having some behavioral issues, she throw tantrums, she hasn't really been around kids her own age so she doesn't really know how to behave around them - she hits, etc. I'm a little worried about the transition process - I'm hoping that it will go okay but I'm sure we'll have some growing pains.
We're not sure on how long she will be with us but we are excited at the opportunity to help her grow.
Just wondering if anyone has any advice about what to expect and ways we can help this transition go smoother.
Like
Share
Advertisements
Quadruplet
How do I post? Is this right?
If you were trying to post a reply to my post you are in the right place, but if youwant to start your own post you have to go to the screen where it lists all the posts in the subforum you are. In and hit on start a new thread (I think that's what it's called).
Like
Share
CONGRATULATIONS MOMMY!:clap:
You have just entered into the world of fear every Mother To Be enters into.
You must do as we had to do. Educate yourself on parenting.
Bad beginnings do not give open excuse for bad behavior. Tantrums from a three year old is normal for that age. As a Mom it will be your job to teach her/him.:prop:
The definition to me is; Mom-Teacher, Dad-Teacher the rest just follows. Help them feel safe with night lights, blankets, hugs, reading to them, slow movements, smiles, soft touches. These are just a few examples of acclimating them into your home and lives.
Jump in with both feet and learn to communicate with your 3 year old! Do not worry about a bond or love as this comes in time and when it does watch out:grouphug:
Use this forum to get help with any issues you come up against. You are in for a wonderful ride, buckle up and get Ur done!!
Like
Share
You might want to cross post on the General Adoptive Parents Support forum and the Foster Parents Support forums as they tend to get a lot more traffic. Though it is pretty slow all over with the holidays. :)
Like
Share
A few thoughts... Transitions are hard for all of us and for a 3 year old without the words to express her sadness and anxiety, it will be hard. She won't necessarily look sad, but instead may act out. Give her lots of affection, even if she pulls away. Rock her in a rocking chair, draw on her back, rub lotion on her feet, sing with her, dance with her, etc. These will help her feel connected to you, and will create an attachment which will help her feel safe.
Be very clear about right and wrong but tell her using only a few words at a time. "No hitting. Because you hit you need to sit on my lap while I count to 10. In this family we don't hit. You can get up now." And do that kind of thing over and over.
Do not, do not, do not overwhelm her with stuff and activities. Keep her world small, calm, and structured. That will help her feel safe and content. She will be very easily over-stimulated so a small world will help her adjust.
Best wishes!
Susan Ward
[url=http://www.OlderChildAdoptionSupport.com]Older Child Adoption Support - Main Page[/url]
Like
Share
Advertisements
astepinmommy
[FONT="Century Gothic"][/FONT] Where do I even start? My DH have been trying to start a family since day 1 of getting married - we just celebrated our 8th anniversary. Here's a breakdown of our history:
We're in the middle of trying to arrange the guardianship - hoping it will be finalized in January.
Lately I have been feeling really anxious. I have always wanted to be a mother - I love being around kids. I love any kid that I have the opportunity to be around. I have a friend who has adopted four kids and also has two foster kids - I've seen what she's gone through. I feel in some ways I'm really prepared but I'm just feeling anxious because of the unknown. This is going to be a major change in our lives.
The three year old that will be living with us is having some behavioral issues, she throw tantrums, she hasn't really been around kids her own age so she doesn't really know how to behave around them - she hits, etc. I'm a little worried about the transition process - I'm hoping that it will go okay but I'm sure we'll have some growing pains.
We're not sure on how long she will be with us but we are excited at the opportunity to help her grow.
Just wondering if anyone has any advice about what to expect and ways we can help this transition go smoother.
Some background on the three year old would be very helpful. When and how was she separated from her mother? Who was her primary caregiver before came to you? I can still offer some ideas even without this info but it would be a big help.
The transition isnt going to be smooth dont expect it to be and dont feel as if the relationship is not working because there are problems. Its likely that this child has experienced more than one placement. The childs interpretation of that is abandonment, and rejection. She will expect the same thing to happen in your home because thats been her life experience. We can assume that this child is attachment compromised. She will accept love conditionally from you so never try and force or impose affection when she pulls away. You will just push her farther away. Children that experience pre mature maternal separation and deprivation will react with fear and suspicion when you express love. When they feel themselves loving you back they may become angry and hostile. This is called attachment regulation behavior,its crucial that you learn to recognize it and never react to it. You must allow her to find a safe boundary. I would strongly suggest an adoption/foster parenting class if you can find a good one. Separated children are nothing like a child one has given birth to. What you have to do as the childs new mother is create a secure attachment with her. Thats easier said then done and it doesnt happen naturally. The secure attachment will over time(years) will heal the child. There is no intervention by any therapists that can change the child.Healing occurs by the experience of a secure attachment with you. The key is to learn to interperet behavior and address the emotions that drive the behavior not the behavior itself.
Like
Share
Now-a-days some of the free dating sites give service to introduce to his/her soul mate.these sites are really good.day by day this type of free dating sites demand is increasing.
Its great to have such a kind of thing but without girl its nothing.That why I find girl from the free dating sites and this sites give me the watch information.
oh!i waiting for this game so long and now their are say delay it.it is so disgusting.But you people can find more important thing than game in the free dating sites like [url=http://www.jumpdates.com]Jumpdates - 100% Free Dating Sites[/url].
ItҒs very helpful for me.But you guys can get help from this type [url=http://www.jumpdates.com]the free dating sites[/url]
this give me the clear view of this topic.thanks a lot. But you guys can get help from this type <a href="http://www.jumpdates.com">100% free dating sites</a>
Like
Share