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I don't have experience with this, I'm just sorry that you're so hurt. I did want to say that I have had two friends return from military service, and for one it was a very positive, affirming experience. The other came back and immediately had marital and job problems. I would guess that being in Iraq is a huge stressor, and perhaps he's dealing with many things that have nothing to do with you or the woman who gave birth to him. I wish all of you peace and healing.