DH and I always talked about having two kids. Since we were older when we started, we planned to start the adoption process over again when our first child turned one. Peanut will be one in three weeks! We talked today, and both of us feel that we're happy with one child. We told our attorney, who occasionally gets calls about baby born situations, and another friend who, through her work, occasionally knows about baby born situations as well, to keep us in mind (we'd talked with them both a few months ago.) today we decided that we're not going to go through an agency or actively seek out a situation, but if one comes to us we'll consider at that time what is right for our family.
I was just wondering if anyone else chose to have just one child, and if so, do you regret it?
We chose to have just one child. DS is now 4, and I guess we are keeping it at 'one' for several reasons. One child is a lot more portable than two or more when it comes to activities such as skiing, backpacking etc. We both work and the cost of daycare/preschool, for a good one is outrageous and don't really want to do that for 5 more years. With having one, we can afford to build a collage fund for him and save for retirement. So I guess I a listing a lot of financial reasons. But also, while our adoption experience was relatively fast and smooth compared to some I have read about. IT was still hugely energy draining and I don't really want to do it again.
I grew up with siblings, but, DH was an only child, and he hated it.
When we looked at having children, we decided that we wanted at least two. I always wanted 4. lol
Our first adoption was very quick...only waited a couple of months. Our second took close to 5 years. Our third was very quick, as was our fourth.
For us, we were going to do everything in our power so that our oldest would not grow up alone.
My cousin is an only child. She also hated it, and still does. Not that we have children so they can take care of us, but, with her parents aging, all responsibility falls on her.
It's a very personal thing. There is no right or wrong have to do what is best for you.
We initially chose to have 2. But after the finalization settled, having one seems to make sense. I don't plan to adopt another at this point
This is much the way I'm feeling about it... although I do dwell/stress about it. :)
My son just turned 4. We tried to adopt again when he was 2, but our FFA stopped their adoptions program 8 months into our wait - after we had been shuffled from SW to SW. We were getting older and my partner decided she didn't want to start the homestudy process over again in order to switch to the county or another FFA. So we just have one.
In some ways, it's a good thing. Public schools here are terrible, so educating our son is going to be pricy. That would be a significant stressor if we had two. And the three of us are really pretty companionable. We can take trips and do things with one that we probably couldn't with two. So I'm very happy with our little family. But in a perfect world, I'd love to have two kids. But it is what it is, and I don't dwell on it.
I think this a very personal decision with a lot of factors involved. WHATEVER decision you reach, there is no wrong choice.
For us, we always wanted more than one child. In our teenage years we were thinking 3-5! Well, life had other plans (which I am mostly okay with!). We did want to have two though. DS will be a great big brother. He has looked wistfully at other sibling pairs when camping, etc. and asked for a sibling. We love playing with him, but there are also benefits to having a sibling to play with. There is a a lot about life that can be learned when negotiating a sibling relationship- giving, sharing, cooperation, respect. And lastly, we will never understand DS's adoption experience through his eyes, but together the two of them will have something "in common" that perhaps they can lean on each other and share with each other in way that is good. We don't really know, but having each other may be a connection that is grounding and safe. I have always been aware that I won't live forever and I find comfort in knowing they have each other as family.
Many of my reasons are just thoughts and feelings. There is no crystal ball to know how life will turn out. I think as you ponder this choice, you know what is right for you, your relationship, your child and so on. There is no wrong or right answer.
We only have 1 right now...and as you can tell by my signature, it's not for lack of trying to have a 2nd.
I desperately want a 2nd, DH it depends on the day, honestly. He's so burned by the failed placement and failed relative adoption from this past year he's happy as a family of 3 for now. I hate the idea of S being an only. I have cousins who were only children who hated it, even though we all come from a huge family and all us cousins played together every weekend. We live several states away from my family so S doesn't have the cousins to play with all the time, and DH's family doesn't really have little ones for her to play with nearby either. So long story short, we are a family of 3 for now, hoping to have another but don't know if/when it will happen for financial & emotional reasons.
We already have 2 - but are struggling with the decision to add one more. Part of us really believe that one more is out there to complete our family - but being parents to the two we have and the magic that is this family is going to be hard to change. We were approached yesterday for 3 different profiles (more boys and twins). If we want to say yes to any of them they will be ours within weeks. And if we say no - there will be another line of others to consider. How do we say no to all children forever?
Like I said - this is a struggle.
I wish you all the best in your decision.
It will probably be one for me but I have mixed emotions about it. As a PP said, when your parents are aging or pass away no one knows that feeling like a sibling. I have so many friends who are dealing with parent health issues as well as raising kids. If they didn't have siblings I don't know how they would keep their sanity. I have 2 sisters and we really are there for each other (and were for our parents too). It's a tough decision. I would hate for my son to be all alone. Interestingly enough, I take a wierd sort of comfort in knowing he's adopted and may have extended family out there who he'll come to know and love.
I agree with what has been posted...there is no right or wrong answer. Family size is a very personal decision. Our personal husband and I married very young...he wanted one, I wanted 3 and we ended up with 5 biological children and are now adopting a 6th:) You gotta take life as it comes and what you may feel in a couple of years may be the same...or it may be very different:).
I need to add though... just because some people hated being a single child doesn't mean that everyone who grew up with siblings was happy about it either! The singleton kids I knew just spent a lot of time with their friends instead of their siblings (and frankly... all the ones I know who had siblings were mostly fighting with them anyway). You just never know if they'll be close or not...
If we hadn't got twins, we would have stopped at one, because there's no way we could have afforded adoption twice. And yes, I'm pretty much stuck at home for a few years still, because working wouldn't make any sense as we would spend more in daycare. And with just the price of preschool (and a cheap one) I'm still frankly not sure how people afford more than two children.
And yes... it's so much easier to do things with one. And you can save for college, you only have to buy 3 seats if you're flying somewhere... heck sometimes I'm jealous because one of my friends is always out doing things with her kid, things I could never do alone with twins (swim lessons and other stuff). There are definitely advantages to having a singleton.
We currently have one daughter who is 4 years old. DH and I could never agree on how many kids we wanted, but we always said that we would never have an only child. Well, it now looks like that just might happen. DD's birth mom is pregnant again and considering placing with us, but if she doesn't then we are done.
I believe there are pros and cons to both sides, but we're happy with what we have. If K places again, we'll be excited and eagerly welcome this baby into our family. However, if she parents this time, we'll be happy for her and continue to enjoy our family of three.
Very good friends of ours chose on purpose to have an only child. They adopted, and they decided when she was a baby that they only wanted 1. She's over 4 now, and they haven't wavered. They are a very happy family.
My DH and I have decided that our son will be an only child. I was 36 and DH was 47 when our son was born. We are so worn out by all his energy most of the time. We cannot imagine keeping up with another one. We also have financial concerns. We make enough money to give our son a good education and retire comfortably. We could not afford to do that with two children. We plan to put our son in scouts, sports, band, church youth groups and whatever else might interest him so that he is not lonely. The only exception would be if one of our neices had a crisis pregnancy and wanted to place her baby with us or if W's birthmom got pregnant and wanted to place W's sibling with us. I would do whatever I had to do to make accommodations for that baby. Like other people have stated, there is no right or wrong answer. It all comes down to what you decide is best for your family. Good luck with your decision.
Well I always wanted one of each; but after our failed attempt in November, I'm not sure we can afford another try (assuming this match and adoption is a success). Perhaps if we are up to it we will foster or Fost-adopt. My two best friends have nine year olds and they knew right away they'd only have one and they are happy. I'm already 42 & in 7-months I'll be 43; but I'm not going to let my age determine whether we attempt again later. I still think of myself as 25 tops! ;-)
My initial plan was to adopt one boy & one girl from Foster Care. So far I have adopted one baby girl. She has some special needs and is now 4 y.o. As a single parent, my hands are full & I haven't opened up my home again for foster care. Last summer birth Mom had another baby. I prayed hard about what to do. However, I knew the Queen (DD) couldn't handle a sibling at the time & I couldn't handle it either. So, I had to say "no". I have decided to leave things in God's hands. Maybe I will adopt another but for now, I need to take care of the Queen's needs first.