Older Child Adopt-Do they ever really love you?

Love = respect. You should expect to receive both from P. That being said, I think it very possible she is trying to push you away, testing you, etc. both because of the adoption situation and because that's what teen and preteen girls do with their mothers (BTDT - you can read my old threads with similar angst about my own P). If I remember correctly you guys had some manipulation issues before? CPS wasn't convinced you could say no to P? Have you been to therapy together and/or does P have any diagnoses? There are a lot of great parenting techniques out there - and perhaps some good suggestions on how to handle P's outbursts - but they are so specific to the type of child you have that I would hate to suggest any without more information. To answer your original question though - YES, an older child can absolutely grow to love their adoptive parent. Love requires trust, however, and a lot of our kids need help learning how to build that after the trauma they have faced. I would urge you to not give up on P or your relationship but to seek out more supports for yourself as you navigate these painful waters.