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Hi all, I'm new to this forum and I'm in need of some thoughts/ advice.
To keep a long story short, a couple of years ago, within a short span of time, I discovered that I had two older sisters who were given up for adoption to two separate families. They both contacted me through email by doing a google search and finding me. I was their first point of contact, not our mother. They would not find my mother in an online search as my mother does not use computers much.
Ever since they contacted me, we've kept in touch and we're talking about meeting in a few months.
The one issue is that I still have not told my mother that they contacted me. My mother has no idea that the two daughters she gave up for adoption have contacted me. I recognize that this is a horrible situation.
I am absolutely terrified to talk to my mom about it but I know that it HAS to happen eventually. I'm afraid because the oldest sister called her when I was very young and my mother did not wish to speak with her. I'm afraid to open up this topic of discussion, especially since she had TWO daughters who gave up for adoption and not just one.
Is it wrong that I haven't told my mother that I know about her two adopted daughters? How do I bring up this topic of discussion, especially to someone who is quite emotionally reserved? If I bring up the topic and my mother has a negative reaction, is it wrong that I continue to communicate/ meet my adopted siblings? I feel excited about finding out I have siblings and I personally would love to nurture that relationship going forward.
Any advice is appreciated... I'm not sure I even really asked any specific questions here as opposed to ramble a bit...
Thanks all
Poko
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Well its hard to give advice without knowing all the interested parties but if I were you I would tell my mom. Secrets are often damaging and its secrets that led you to where you are now so perpetuating them is not a good idea.. Let your mom know that even if she does not wish to deal with this that you are going to persue an ongoing relaitionship. Chances are she will come around eventually. Some of her fears may have been about your reaction to it all. But she will have some deep emotions and it may take a while. Goodluck.
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I agree with both responses. Yes, you should probably tell your mom but you do have a right to a relationship with your sisters and you shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone. Especially if you are all adults.
As an adoptee in a closed adoption, it is a pet peeve of mine that because biological parents give a child up for adoption, you are also cut off from your entire biological family and you feel like if your b-parents don't want a relationship with you, then you are not aloud to have a relationship with your other family members. This is hypothetically speaking because as of now, I haven't tried contacting anyone in my biological family. Adoption sometimes feels like you've been disowned for something you had no control over. If any of my birth family members came searching for me I would give them the chance to get to know me. Because I know how it would feel to be rejected. I think it is wonderful that you want to get to know your sisters. Just take it slow and realize it won't be perfect. Good luck and hopefully your mom will want to get to know them too in time. She probably feels a lot of guilt and probably just couldn't face it at the time.
