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I was recently contacted by my cousin who is expecting. She is due in about 3 weeks. She has spent most of her pregnancy in complete denial. She only recently told her son who is a preteen, that she was even pregnant. She has been to the doctor once at the beginning to confirm pregnancy and only recently began to see a doctor. She has told us that if she decides to place her baby through adoption that we would be her choice. She wanted time to consider it. Her living circumstances are such that raising a 2nd child would be difficult. She has no job, little support from family and is currently sharing a bedroom with her son as she lives with friends. The father is not involved and she just barely told her parents and siblings that she is pregnant. Her family seems to be encouraging her to raise her child and I don't really know if she has even told them that she is considering placing her child with us. She is only communicating to me through written messages and has asked for time to decide. Do i just continue to wait in the hope that she may decide after the babies born? Or do I try to put it out of my head? We have received spiritual promptings that the Lord wants us to adopt this child but that its mother still has her agency to choose. How do you hang on through the waiting? How do you cope with very little information coming your way from the mom or her family?
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A birthmother has a lot of emotional challenges in an unexpected pregnancy. Though she may be thinking adoption right now, after the birth she may suddenly experience the emotional bond that occurs during pregnancy and birth that she is trying to deny.
I would not give up but continue to pray and ask HF to help your cousin through her difficult time and that she may have insight to see the needs of her child. If she chooses adoption you need to have some legal arrangements made for visit rights and other contact. Being related to her may make things a little difficult and if you have a legal contract this can help if she tries to over step with visits. Though a birthmother needs to feel love and respected by the adoptive family, the child needs to bond fully with the new family without interference of the birthmother's emotional needs.
Just wanted to update. That adoption situation didn't work out. But here we are a year later and we are waiting for the birth of a daughter through adoption. The difference between these two experiences is vast. This time our conversations are completely open and honest. Every one involved has received counseling. We were told that when the time is right we will know and this time feels right.