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justasmile
...I would just love to lessen or at least not encourage the "all attention" is on me craving that she has ingrained in her. ...
Any thoughts on those of you who have had a child in your care in the past and just WOULDN'T want the respite parents to do because that would spoil them and maybe cause more problematic behaviors once they return?....
I never had any real respite for my daughter, but when things were too out of control between us she would stay with friends and that turned out to be a way to get good respite (and free too!).
I would not have any problem with parents who gave her lots of attention and were emotionally supportive for her. She needs lots and lots of appreciation because she doesn't think she has any value.
There have been a couple times when it caused a lot more problem behaviors. Each of the two times involved a mom of a "best friend" that she had stayed with many times. I can't say for sure why those moms caused worsening of my daughter's behavior, but my impression is that these moms were misled (by my daughter) into thinking I was the problem and somehow encouraged my daughter to do things she was not allowed to do, which resulted in her becoming defiant to the point of being out of control.
With one of the moms, it got to the point that every time I'd pick my daughter up from that house I'd wind up having to drive straight off to the police station and stay there until my daughter could get herself under control.
I think you will be okay giving the child as much attention as they want as long as you also reassure them that their mom is a good mom/trustworthy mom/loves them, etc.