Advertisements
Advertisements
takeuwithme96
I hear you - that is awful. So I am hoping to avoid that kind of situation. Giving out the CW address at Dr's ofc etc sounds like a good plan tho. Technically, bio parent is the legal guardian of everything to do with child before TPR so I will think of it that way and be careful. I am not saying that the bio parent would ever be mean or violent, but I like to think on the safe side. I think teaching that to a child shows boundaries you are setting to prevent future harm from happening. Of course nothing is 100% secure but hopefully 99% secure if I can create it that way. I mean I think if I was bio parent (which I never would be if it had anything to do with abuse - but other reasons like I became homeless for non-abuse reasons) I would not be violent towards FP but I would probably not like the person even if I seemed nice and friendly to them. If I get a child who has been abused - I will be nice and friendly to the bio parent just to keep the peace, but deep down I will be angry that someone could do that to a child. As I a learning there are many 'fronts' you have to put on to people (adults) except the child while still teaching and loving and caring for the child the best you can. I would never want to turn a child away from their bio parent but I would always support a child who wished for a loving and dependable parent that they deserve. As Kahlil Gibran says Children are not our own. Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. "
I'm in Californiua and our first and last names were given out to the first two families. The first family we never had any problems with because they disappeared off the face of the earth. Our 2nd placements family found out our address by the caseworker slipping them that tidbit of information and by using google. My husband has a very uncommon last name and I mean extremely common so when you google his name thanks to zillow, google and all the other crazy websites you can find us. I think its pretty sad that everyday people cannot have any privacy. For our third and current placement I requested that my hubbies name be omitted from the paperwork and I explained why. I have not had any issues with this family knowing our location which is great because this mom is extremely EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE...and it would not be a great idea for her to have our address. They say we are entitled to confidentiality but I think you have to really fight for it.
One thing to consider if you're extremely concerned about keeping confidentiality is the age of children you're willing to foster. Most school-aged children will be able to tell their bio family where they live - if not the exact address, then they could recognize familiar roads or even stores in the area for the BPs to narrow down your location. Like many have said, if someone is determined to find you, chances are good that they will. Invest in a good security system if you feel vulnerable, or find out about a neighborhood watch. Explain to neighbors your situation and they can be extra eyes and ears. Most of all - just as the bio parents can find out about you, you can also find out about them. We didn't even have our children's mother's correct last name on their paperwork and my husband still managed to find her in court records. Their father is on facebook. Our first court visit, we knew exactly who they were based on mug shots and were able to avoid them - out of safety concerns, because BD has a hefty arrest record. Of course, once the CW got there, she told them who we were, but at least we were fore-warned.
As far as confidentiality in Ohio , there is a LAW that says CPS can't reveal your name to anyone, publically- if you don't want it known. That would include the bios. I think the only time it can be made public is when you have your licensed completely revoked by Ohio Dept. of Job and Family Services after being convicted of certain crimes. I agree that it is wize to know about the birth family. How much is too much? In our area, bio aunts seem to feed a lot of info. After while, it is overwhelming. Sure enough, info from aunts ends up being true and the CW more or less lied. It's kind of frustrating finding out via the aunt and the internet rather than CPS.
Advertisements
Here it is supposed to kept confidential but like you said, things happen, information accidentally is given, etc. I attended a staffing for my fk via conference call from my office. We were all going around introducing ourselves, and I blurted out my first and last name, not realizing that the bio parents were at the staffing! I'm new to this and I wasn't aware that the bio parents were invited to the staffing! So then I got really paranoid and checked my facebook settings, made sure all privacy settings were on lockdown, and checked internet search engines like the white pages, and removed my name from them. The mom has no criminal history but her mom was convicted of second degree murder and bio dad has a huge rap sheet of violent crimes. Scary!!!
This. My kids were all older. My oldest was in the process of telling his bio mother our address but I caught him. My youngest told their bio mom when I wasn’t around.
One thing to consider if you're extremely concerned about keeping confidentiality is the age of children you're willing to foster. Most school-aged children will be able to tell their bio family where they live - if not the exact address, then they could recognize familiar roads or even stores in the area for the BPs to narrow down your location. Like many have said, if someone is determined to find you, chances are good that they will. Invest in a good security system if you feel vulnerable, or find out about a neighborhood watch. Explain to neighbors your situation and they can be extra eyes and ears. Most of all - just as the bio parents can find out about you, you can also find out about them. We didn't even have our children's mother's correct last name on their paperwork and my husband still managed to find her in court records. Their father is on facebook. Our first court visit, we knew exactly who they were based on mug shots and were able to avoid them - out of safety concerns, because BD has a hefty arrest record. Of course, once the CW got there, she told them who we were, but at least we were fore-warned.