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Our DD is 3 and we have had her since she was just over 24 hours old. For the past three years she has been really attached to me. No matter what my hubby does with her, she always wants mommy.I know in some ways my hubby feels bad and he always makes sure he plays with her and does special things with her but if she is sick, hurt, happy whatever it is mommy she wants.
At the sitters, the babysitter had to put a baby gate to keep another child in the playroom with our DD for a few minutes while the sitter loaded the dishwasher. Our DD totally lost it and was screaming that mommy would not be able to pick her up because the baby gate was up. A few days later, we were planting the garden and I was putting in the plants while DD and hubby were putting up the fence around the garden. DD got nervous and was close to tears when the gate was all the way around the garden and I was still inside the gate. She was scared, I would not be able to get out.
She is a normal child in all aspects, defiant at times, and I never have a problem leaving her at the sitters, once we get there. She constantly tells me that she does not want me to work but she has a friend at the sitters and loves going most days. We also have to recomfirm with her who is dropping her off at the sitters and who is picking her up a few times before we get to the sitters and usually which vehicle we will be in.
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Sorry to hear that your daughter struggling with fear and I commend you for your desire to reach out to her. Have you heard from Focus on the Family? I'm part of this organization and just wanted to share the following articles that could be useful for this situation: [URL="http://bit.ly/FRxE0L"]Childhood Fears[/URL] and [url=http://bit.ly/z6Lzuc]My young child is shy and cries when we leave him at daycare.[/url] Also, the Connected Child by Karyn Purvis is a great book to help not only adoptive parents but for all families striving to correct and connect with their children. Hopefully, they'll provide you with some insight on how to help her.
Meanwhile, I will be praying for you, asking the Lord to provide wisdom and discernment for this parenting challenge. You can also ask for one of our [URL="httphttp://bit.ly/wZKctV"]counselors[/URL] for more specific suggestions, if you prefer one-on-one help. Feel free to give them a cal, at no cost to you. Their phone number is 1-855-771-HELP. God bless.
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Some children are just anxious that way. Even if you adopted her when she was newborn, there still can be extra anxieties brought on by that. It was still a transition and can be very deeply wired neurologically. If a child is very anxious by natural temperament and has adoption to deal with on top of that, this level of anxiety seems possible. My three year old started preschool two days a week a few months ago and for the first two months she was terrified, even though it was she who insisted she wanted to go. She would be shaking with fear and sometimes crying. I would ask her, "Do you want to go to preschool?" "Yes." "Are you scared?" "Yes." "Do you want to cry?" "No." "Do you want to stay home?" "No." "Do you like preschool?" "Yes." "Do you like the teacher?" "Yes." "Are you still scared?" "Yes." Trembling all the while. She is shy and cautious for her age. She is a bit clingy but not just to me. She came home at three months, and doesn't display any real attachment symptoms. I have another child with attachment symptoms and high anxiety, so I know what the mild stages of attachment issues look like.
In both cases, my approach has simply been patience and reassurance. I would say don't push it. Don't try to get her to loosen her grip on you. It can backfire. Prove to her again and again that you will always be there. It will almost certainly loosen on its own within a year or two.
Arianna
I was coming on the boards to ask a very similar question today! My son was adopted as an infant and has very normal 5 year old behavior. He is super attached to me and for the past few months he has been crying every morning when I drop him off at preschool. Hard to tell if he is just an anxious child and has seperation anxiety because that is his personality (my sister is like that and was not adopted) or if this is an adoption related issue. If anyone else has some suggestions on how to ease their minds and make seperations easier I would love to hear them!