New TLC show "Birth Moms"

I actually know someone who is now reconsidering adopting based on the show :(

I didn't set out to watch it (I didn't even know it was coming on,) but I happened to see it while flicking through channels and I found myself too horrified to look away. I felt bad for those poor young women - who were not birthmoms, since they hadn't given birth or relinquished yet. I was completely shocked by how unethical the situation was from start to finish. Some things that especially struck me: * All the young women seemed to be under the impression that they had to match with a family before the birth, and that they had to sign relinquishment papers at the earliest possible opportunity. The consents also seemed to be irrevocable. While I think that many states allow TPR ridiculously soon after birth (Utah being one of them,) an even remotely ethical agency operating in those states should be making sure the moms understand that they have the option to sign in that timeframe, not that they are required to do so. * Relinquishment was treated like more or less a done deal. None of the counselors were shown helping the moms make parenting plans, and while occasional lip service was given to the possibility of them changing their minds, I didn't see any practical assistance being given for what would actually happen in the event they chose to parent. I really hope this was just editing, but I'm not optimistic. * They mothers got nice accommodations and their expenses paid because they were considering relinquishment. That seems extremely coercive to me because no such assistance would be provided to mothers who wanted to parent, so it's all basically in exchange for giving up the baby. * Related to the above, a number of the young women were apparently using alcohol, abusing drugs, and smoking while in the home run by the agency. The agency did nothing to curb this behavior, and did not even seem particularly concerned by it. Even the doctor they took the girls to see said that he didn't do much to warn the moms about the damage they were doing to their unborn babies. Now, while I still maintain that it was unethical to even have such a living situation predicated on the mother placing, if the agency was going to take responsibility for these young women, they should have done so with an eye toward providing a healthy environment for mom and baby. Yes, with more restrictive rules some of the expectant moms probably would have walked; it was pretty clear that the agency wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize their supply line by actually trying to look after the health of the babies. Shameful. * No sign of a mental health counselor (as opposed to just an adoption counselor) in the picture, even though one was clearly needed. * In spite of the fact that she clearly had substance abuse issues and serious mental health problems, there didn't appear to be any attempt to make sure Kandice was competent to relinquish, or to address any of her other significant problems besides the crisis pregnancy. * Taylor's reasons for relinquishing were pretty much entirely financial, and were serious enough that she would almost certainly have qualified for public assistance. No one mentioned this to her, or suggested a parenting plan, or helped her find ways to provide for the child she was already struggling to raise. * Taylor's concerns about being presented with no profiles of families of color for her biracial child were dismissed, and it seemed like she was being treated as irrational and high maintenance. The thing is, her concerns were valid. Minority children growing up in predominantly white areas do have additional challenges. Not to say it always turns out badly, but if the mother was worried about that, it should have been taken seriously. * All the mothers seemed to feel pressured to choose families before the birth, to the extent that at least one of them significantly compromised on all her major criteria because she seemed to think she had run out of time before her induction. * When Kandice said she didn't want her son to be told he was adopted, the prospective parents did not give her a firm no or explain that, while she clearly was trying to act in her son's best interests as she saw them, that would be really damaging to the child. It appeared that they were agreeing to what she asked. Again, I really hope this was editing, but there should have been an immediate rejection of this request and an explanation why. Overall... wow. It was awful. I felt dirty after watching it. :( Anyone who thinks adoption coercion is a thing of the past really needs to watch this show and put themselves in these young women's shoes.

I will never, have never watched this kind of show because it exploits the adoptee - which seems to never enter into anyones thought process on these types of shows. This IS the adoptees story paraded on TV. The story that should be THEIR story to tell or not. The story that will be known to others in the vincinity because the adopting parents are known. The story that will follow the child to school, teenage years (and will be used cruelly by some), and beyond - imagine watching yourself being given away (yes, I know people don't like that terminology, but that is what happens no matter how much you pretty it up or whatever the reasons are).

Tell me what is better - because I don't see it. Next time you are tempted to tell us it is so different, exactly what will you say?

Agree with any reality show with children - my heart though goes out to the adoptee...just because...you know solidarity thingy...